Get ready ’cause I was on medication last night, and it seems Heidi went off of hers. ;-)
We had a discussion about an issue Heidi raised, and something I’ve been asked about quite a bit in private and most often by new fans.
Note: I’m handling this like the old Point/Counterpoint segment on 60 Minutes with Shana Alexander and James J. Kilpatrick. You decide who’s Shana and who’s James. If you don’t know who those people were, then a) you probably live outside the U.S. or b) you’re not that old yet. :D
I’ll let Heidi go first:
There’s no easy way for me to graciously get into this without charging like the Taurus bull that I am into the China shop and just ask it:
Are RA’s letters to fans a hoax?
Now before the steam pours out of your ears like Popeye polishing off a chili pepper popper, let me tell you how this question came about.
Picture this: Heidi has insomnia, so to get to sleep, she decides to hit one of those sites that lists all of RA’s letters to fans. After all, the past snippets I’ve read sound like something straight out of a CBeebies episode, peppered with pleas for everybody to be “extra good, be willingly good,” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Those things conjure an image of a placid, book-loving, thoughtful man who literally reads my child to sleep at night on Youtube in his sing-song, gentle voice.
I mean, look at him, reading to that stuffed dinosaur. Aw. That’s exactly how I picture him talking to his fans through his letters. “Everybody, you be sweet and go to sleep and have sweet dreams, because we all need to be kind to each other.”
Then all the miniature-action-figure-Thorin-toting women in the Western hemisphere collectively breathe a whisper of, “What a sensitive and caring man!” and nod off on their pillows and solemnly swear in their hearts to do every saccharine-dripping request that Richard Armitage asks of them.
You know, you picture this guy admonishing you in his gentle voice:
So Heidi is reading this stuff … trying to get to sleep … and then … WHAM!
A DRUNK GUY HAS TAKEN OVER RA’S COMPUTER AND HAS SENT THIS MISSIVE!
16th December 2008
Following the repatriation of the Robin Hood company to blighty, the spokesperson for RA has mysteriously disappeared. However, Hungarian ‘Rendorseg’ managed to locate a hotel room which was noted as his last abode. After searching the room and forensic dusting for fingerprints an ‘ubersuperduper unbelievably teeny tiny mini me micro film’ was located, secreted in a particle of dust which was lodged in a greasy finger print left on the rim of a pot noodle, evidence of Spokes persons seriously compromised existence. The ubersuperduper unbelievably teeny tiny mini me micro film then had to be dipped in Russian Standard Vodka for processing. Viewing the film proved to be nearly impossible but for a lucky purchase from Wollies at 50% discount of the very last “Ubersuperduper unbelievable teeny tiny mini me micro film player/clock radio with microwave and bagless vacuum attachment….it contained the following message:
“Agent A would like to wish all his contacts/agents a wonderfully joyous, peaceful and fun filled Christmas. He wanted to thank them all for their continued support this year and hopes to deliver ‘in spades’ for 2009. He is once again overwhelmed by all the generous gifts and messages and is attempting to respond a soon as is possible. He would like also to offer a toast to 2009 wishing all ‘agents’, success and happiness. In the spirit of peace and good will this message will self destruct in 3 seconds or if option B is exercised recipients will be termin…………… “
You know what, guys?
That’s completely and excessively much hotter than anything else I’ve seen RA quoted as saying, and here’s why:
HE. IS. FUNNY!
I mean, did he really WRITE that stuff?
Now, you have to understand that I’m a prankster at heart. I pulled countless pranks when I was in college. My
parents were convinced the family name would be so tarnished, that great-great-great grandchildren would be barred from our learning institution of choice, given the havoc I was creating on campus.
I know pranks.
And this, my friends, is one of the best pranks I’ve seen in ages.
A) RA’s friends stole his laptop in the dead of night and sent it off to this fan site for world-wide publication as a prank against their mate … or
B) RA himself drank five bottles of champagne by a roaring fire on a frigid Christmas season night and got so toasty silly that he fired this off and then decided to send it, just to see what kind of reaction he’d get. I mean, look at it. It’s Saturday-Night-Live-caliber comedy, poking fun at serious-minded middle-aged women who can’t get enough of reading about a man they’ve never met!
Richard, now come on. You are so busted.
Of those two options …. I choose A.
I think this letter is a hoax, and possibly many of the others he purportedly has written, too. I mean, you saw that intellectual and thoughtful thing he did at that blog with the book reviewers (if not, go here).
Either the guy is an onion with this prankster personality lurking under his Mr. Thornton persona – which, by the way, underscores his acting abilities – or someone has perpetrated one of the most hilarious hoaxes imagined: a letter embraced by fans as the real pearls of words penned by their beloved film idol.
I’m going with the hoax.
And if RA actually did write that thing?
We will never hear it from him, because as a prankster to the core, I can tell you that we never breathe a word of our indiscretions. The fun of the prank is portraying to the world an austere and dignified front while on the inside, we are laughing non-stop at you.
Actually, I’ll bet this guy wrote it.
This won’t take long. :D
Okay, let me see. You say he’s a prankster, Heidi, and that pranksters can effect an entirely different demeanor. Doesn’t that bolster the argument he did write the letter and wrote the Vulpes Libris answers as well? :D Speaking as a prankster and the offspring of a prankster, I totally know someone can pull off another side to themselves that might surprise people who think they know a person. ;-) Don’t ask me how I really know that. ;P
What I find interesting is this assumption Richard Armitage couldn’t haven’t written these because he’s sweet and kind and good with children — at least from what we can tell by the CBeebies videos. Yet most people have layers. Most people are onions. In fact, I’m married to an onion. He’s wonderful with children. They adore him. He’s a really gentle soul. But oh my gosh can he he come with the humor, and can also slice someone up with his tongue when it’s warranted, and sometimes when it’s not. Wait. He just came into the room. He’s grinning and doing some kind of twisty thing with his body while saying, “I can’t do this if you don’t put some curtains on the back windows.” LOL! Now he’s doing what looks like a dance. He just stopped to grin at me. ROFLOL!! I’m not sure I’m going to leave this in the post, but it may be too good to leave out!
By the way, this is the guy who our daughter wrote of him after his visit to her first apartment in NYC and her first time living away from home:
…my dad is an extremely kind, caring, down-to-earth person. He doesn’t take himself too seriously and is a funny, intelligent, artistic man. He loves the comfort of a well-written book, and has a better understanding of the true meaning of art more than anyone I’ve yet to meet in this artist driven city.
But one thing I love most about my father is his ability to love people exactly where they are. He can see past someone’s pain, someone’s anger or someone’s facade into their being and is able to appreciate them for everything that they are. He truly enjoys each relationship he has with people, knowing that each one is important in its own special way. Just as he enjoys admiring artwork and literature, he enjoys the beauty in humans as individuals.
And he’s also the guy who had me believing his girlfriend before me had a deformed ear which she covered with her long hair swept to one side, and when I met her, my shock at eventually figuring out her hair covered no deformity was evident. Yes, it was a good yarn. Damn good yarn. Oh that it were the last time he gulled me. He also has a way of twisting up words and phrases to make them funny. He’s the one who should be blogging, and honestly, he could have written that April letter. But those abilities don’t preclude being kind and sweet.
Yes, personal experience is king. Can’t you tell from my account and Heidi’s? ;-)
So B (see above in case you’ve already forgotten it :D), which I’m calling “the onion theory,” says Richard Armitage is thoughtful and kind (but not perfectly; who is?), and he was sitting around drinking beer with a bunch of his buddies who were teasing the hell out of him about the Army, and presto! the April letter (and maybe a few before it) was born.
So yeah, I’m going with the onion theory. :D
I feel another post coming on, and a good thing or this one would have difficulty loading.