It’s Even Changing the Way I Speak

I knew I was changing, but it was obvious when I said the “word” phwoar. I didn’t even know it was a word until a couple of years ago. The first time I said it, someone in the family made a point to turn his head towards me and stare at me as if to say, “Do I know you?” To which I mentally replied, “Yeah, you know me, but maybe I don’t know myself anymore.”

What all of you don’t know is that I don’t use much onomatopoeia when I speak much less when I write (does anyone except comic book writers?), and certainly don’t use it to describe something that is extremely appealing. But maybe I ought to because it felt good to say phwoar, which is properly said PHWOAR!

A few years ago I took a self-defense class for women. If you have never taken something like that, I highly recommend it. I was prompted by a friend to do it and went only because of the prodding. I figured the instructors would just remind me of things I already knew but probably needed to hear again. Wrong. It was taught by a husband and wife who had been military and were now police. Both had black belts in some martial art, and when they told us that, I thought, “Oh yeah, great. Like you two are living in the real word where people like me can’t do squat.” But again, I was wrong. They taught me a technique of imagining myself in a bad situation and then mentally using the practical things they had taught. Part of this was to practice yelling STOP! They said studies had shown that women had a hard time raising their voices to strangers even someone who scares or surprises them. It’s part of our genteel gene I guess. Aren’t we special? Thankfully they stayed on us about yelling STOP! Half of one class was spent just doing that. Man, that was some easy money for them. Well, I haven’t been attacked, but I have been threatened, and when the time came I was able to yell STOP! and the very suspicious person fled.

That day I yelled STOP! and really needed to was a kind of epiphany that forever altered my world. It gave me power I really wasn’t sure I possessed until the moment of crisis. Saying PHWOAR! had the same effect on me. It was the passionate me, my inner PHWOAR, which I had buried for so long, rushing to the surface. My SO, who was the only one around at the time and the object of my PHWOAR!, said, “What was that? I like it.”

I hope you can do a little PHWOAR! today. At least get in touch with your inner PHWOAR! See how good I am to all of you; continuing to be of public service. ;)

Of course that’s far from the only word I’ve learned and now love. I’ve started a list, RA Lexicon, and you can add your own. Enjoy!

Oh, oh, oh, I can’t believe I almost forgot to put up the image that made me PHWOAR! (at least in my head) the first time. Actually I was watching the scene it’s in, and thought PHWOAR! when he turned around.

Screencap courtesy of

Diary of an RA Fan — Part 4 Hide in Plain Sight

See Diary Part 3 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.

Entry — a few years ago minus a few weeks:

I cannot stop watching North and South. Thank God I’ve got my own copy now. It’s becoming part of my daily routine. Learning to pace myself and not watch it all in one sitting anymore. If I watch one episode a day and some days more than one, I can easily get in two full viewings a week. I’ve been trying this out, and so far it works great. Usually do it really early in the morning or very late at night on my computer.

The family thinks I’m writing or doing some paperwork. I would die of mortification if they knew I was continually rewatching the same movie. If they ever figure out what I’m doing, knowing them, it will become a huge joke where I would probably be compared to someone like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” So for now I’m keeping it under wraps. Don’t want the distraction that would come with outing myself. But I’m really bugged by having to keep this on the QT. Oh, I did say something about what a great mini-series it is, but so far no one took that bait. Dang! It would be so great to watch it with the family. Then I wouldn’t feel like an idiot sneaking around.



One thing I know is that this movie has such a calming effect on me, and I get to squee at the ending. Squee! I have a love/hate relationship with that word. The first time I read it I thought of a bodily function. But it’s such a great word to describe my reaction at the ending. Squeee! I love writing it and would love to say it sometime. That’ll never happen.

Screencaps courtesy of

See Diary Part 5 here.