For most of my life I’ve tried to put myself in someone else’s shoes to perhaps understand what motivates them, makes them happy or makes them sad. I’ve also tried to understand why I see things as I do, why I believe the things I do, what makes me happy or sad. When I was in high school, I began to do rigorous self-examinations of my thoughts to the point of excruciating mental pain and maybe some of that was because I was deficient in some areas. Whatever the case, there was and still is an insatiable need in me to know the truth, to know reality. It is such a quest in my life that I’m more than willing to throw away a thought that doesn’t square with truth.
The obstacle is that I don’t always know the truth. I don’t always know who I am or why I think what I do. Oh, sure, I know some, and I do think there is a definitive truth because to me, truth is a person. But I don’t believe any of us can know all of Him or know it all (whatever that means) — at least not in a reasonable amount of time. Then again, maybe I’m wrong and we can. But today, I’m not completely knowledgeable of God or fully conversant in my identity — not fully aware of all that being someone who believes in Christ is or can be. And that’s just fine. It has me on a journey to find out, and I love the adventure.
It was always my nature to go out exploring as a child, and the Bible hero I identified with most closely was David. I used to feel guilty about all of that as if somehow it was wrong to want to find out about other worlds, but I’ve long since gotten over any guilt. I’ve long since come to peace with the part of my identity that wants to go exploring. And God gets credit for that peace. The only time I ever really felt guilty about it was when I listened to the world. When I’ve listened to reasons from others who didn’t think it made sense for me to do it.
I don’t want to denigrate being sensible. It has its place, but sometimes it can kill a person. “If there is no vision, the people perish.” Taken out of context? Probably, but the fundamental truth is there. So called “sensible” talk can kill a dream. And if someone cannot dream or aspire to go beyond themselves, what do they have? Certainly, this takes many forms. Sometimes going beyond oneself is to never leave a place, and the exploring occurs in their interaction with others and/or in their mind only. Some of the greatest writers never went anywhere of note. But that is not to say someone has to produce something for others to consume before it’s considered great.
I’m thankful I realize all of these things about exploration, but mostly that I’m free. “When the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” I’m glad I’m aware of that at times. I’m glad that bitching about life is not my way of life. Yes, venting has its place. People get frustrated and need to talk, but that’s not what I’m referring to. I’m talking about the continual chatter in the world that’s about all which doesn’t go well. At some point there are diminishing returns on it. And then you have to move on and do something productive for yourself if no one else, or this too will kill you. When is the point to move on reached? I can’t answer that for anyone else. I only know when I’ve reached it and oftentimes, it took Someone not of this world, Someone beyond myself, Someone with a larger perspective than mine to show me that life is not nearly as small as I can sometimes make it.