Richard, You Can Win This Way

Richard,

I really do think you are nice and hope you keep being your sweet self. I don’t say that because you happen to have beautiful blue eyes. I say that because I’ve observed your public demeanor for over eight years, and you are always a gentleman, a gentle man. That is a great part of your appeal, but it’s got to be hell for you on social media.

Frankly, you must have the gift of mercy which makes you so sensitive to people being at odds with each other. I’ll bet you despise confrontation but have had to learn to deal in it considering the business you’re in. And all of that is exacerbated on social media. Phew.

And then there’s Twitter. It’s a rough and tumble place, but if I’m being candid, and hell man, I’m nothing if not candid on this blog, I think it’s a great place — profane and absurd people and all. That’s just part and parcel of free speech. But I don’t envy you. You’re more of a target than most, but I do believe there’s a way to weather it, and it’s not by being frustrated at being miunderstood. You cannot win trying to appease everyone’s perception. I believe if you will not take all of us so seriously, you will enjoy it more. That’s a definite win. Will you get some heat for being less prone to react to the crap that goes on in cyber world? Oh hell yes you will get some heat. And that’s the point of this “letter.” You’re going to get heat no matter what you do (surely you know that by now), so be yourself, be the sweet man you are and let all the rest fall where it may. Definite win. (Don’t you love it when a fan gives you advice. :D)

I said I wasn’t going to give you advice, but I’ve been doing it for five years and can’t seem to stop. Plus, I’m a little bit infected with Armitage Protection Mode today ’cause I hate to see you stressing, or your version of stressing. None of this is to say that I think you shouldn’t have spoken about cyber bullying. It should be spoken about by many. And I hope someone scolds me if I ever do a cyber tackle on someone who says something mean about you. On second thought, I don’t think that’s going to happen. My general stance on people who are mean is either ignore them or tease the hell out of them. Depends on my mood.

Screen Shot 2014-12-28 at 12.26.41 AM

Here’s hoping you’re having a wonderful day and not thinking so much about who is offended or who may offend.

Signed,
Big Sister A Crazy Fan

P.S. Whatever you do, do not join tumblr. Repeat, do not join tumblr!

P.P.S. It won’t surprsie me if discussion pops up about the trope of your being a sweet, gentle man and how many of us may be deceived ’cause you’re such a good actor. But please keep on deceiving us with that consistently good behavior, if in fact that’s what you’re doing. :D

Obviously my two cents. Take it or leave it. Wait. I’ve got one more thing to say. When I think of fandom, it’s my dearest hope that some of you can just enjoy the experience and not let others ruin it for you. That would be a shame since so many of you are a pleasure.

Graphic courtesy of Armitage Besotted

8 Comments

  1. I agree. Let things just fall much of the time. You can’t control such an increasingly diverse fandom.
    I do believe that after years of following him, we can make a fairly accurate assessment of some of his core values and character traits. We are what we repeatedly do, right?
    He does his bids for kindness. He can leave the snarling factions to consume themselves in their own uproar.

  2. Well said, Trudy. I totally think he would have tipped his hand on being less than a gentleman. He’s never done it.

  3. Absolutely. After all this time, if he was secretly prone to fits of being a selfish or arrogant jerk (or whatever), we would have heard about it. All we ever hear is praise from fellow co-workers. Collective, long-term evidence seems consistent.
    I’m not saying he’s perfect, btw. But I’m wholly convinced kindness and consideration for others is central to him.

  4. You expressed exactly what I was thinking, thank you. If he does read comments or someone reads them for him, this one is the one I hope he remembers instead of the negative ones, like he said a while back.

  5. I’m just catching up on all your blog posts too (in reverse order, but then I’m often accused of doing things ass-backwards :-D )
    I said this in another post, but it’s great to see you posting, and not so great to know what’s causing all this stressing and bullying.
    I used to do twitter, but only in a very ‘just the facts ma’am’ kind of way. I think it’s the only way to do it, unless you’re someone like RA who can pack a lot of wit or humor into 140 characters and a picture. (There might be some on twitter who *could* do that but instead they seem to spend their time attacking anyone who tries to even *suggest* kindness).

  6. Patti,

    Thanks for the comment. Very much appreciated. I’m just sorry I didn’t see it sooner!

  7. Thanks for the encouragement, Cill. It’s fun to be back. I hope i”m not opening several cans of worms, but I felt like just speaking my mind. I’ll get back to the snark as soon as I can. : D

    As for those who spend time being negative, I’ve certainly done my fair share, but I hope I can always welcome constructive criticism about that.

  8. Negativity:
    It is one thing to disagree with someone’s choice of hairstyle, specific career choices (as opposed to choice of career) and all the other minutiae of life, but it is quite another to suggest that their careers are over that they cannot get work on merit but rely on personal relationships,to call them liars and cowards, to attack their public statements as ‘naive’, blog about their ‘stupidity’ and even talk about giving them the virtual finger (as someone on twitter did recently) because they said ‘Be nice to people’ . In any relationship (personal or parasocial) the person who does this is not friend or fan and it boggles my mind that they should try to fool anyone (including themselves) by making this claim.
    To them I say, ‘Get out. Get out of the relationship for everyone’s sake’.
    (You should be aware than I am speaking of more than one person, more than one kind of negativity and more than one place).


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