Diary of an RA Fan — Part 17 — Spear Carrying, An Education

See Diary Part 16 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.

Entry — Very Late Summer, 2008:

I was down at Tammi’s house this afternoon, and she had just come home from “yard saling.” Dangerous words. I no longer go “yard saling.” Trying not to be anywhere near it, but I just had to ask what she bought. “All sorts of things I don’t need,” she said. I hear that. That’s why I don’t go “yard saling” anymore. SO became frustrated with half the garage being filled with crap we don’t need. I know it takes up space, but he just couldn’t get his head around how that was going to help us, how it was being frugal. He advised me, “Well, maybe you should take advantage of that freight sale I read about this morning. An entire boxcar of toothpaste. If you bought it, you could save enough for us to take a nice trip and store the toothpaste in the other half of the garage.”

I still couldn’t help asking to see what Tammi bought. She hauled out a large paper grocery sack full of DVDs. I mean that sucker was stiff it was so full. It’s a miracle the sack didn’t tear. I said, “Wow. How much did you pay for that?”

“It was only $5.” And the ‘only’ was what made it so beautiful. I had to see the rest of it. “I haven’t even looked at them yet,” she said.

“Well, pour it out so we can see what you got!”

After a few minutes of looking at a lot of junk I had never heard of, and that’s saying something for me the movie fiend, I said, “Just another stash that made a stopover at your house on its way to the resale store.” She sighed and was about to bag everything up when I saw something I had dismissed earlier, “WAIT!! Let me see that one again.” She handed me a golden colored case with Cleopatra on the front. I flipped it over and started reading the back. Richard Armitage had been in a production of Cleopatra, but I had no clue which one. Then I remembered it was early on in his career so he probably didn’t have a big part. “Tammi, can I use your laptop?”

She pointed to it, and said, “Feel free, but what’s up with that movie? Who’s in it?”

“Oh, I’m just curious about it. Billy Zane’s in it, and I’m about half fascinated with him. A real nut but still fascinating.”

I logged on and got to IMDb. JACKPOT! Yep, it was the one with Richard Armitage! I couldn’t even wait to get home to watch, so I popped it in her player to take a looksee. I told her we didn’t have to watch the whole thing since it’s three hours long. Neither one of us had that kind of time.

Cleopatra was played by someone I had never heard of. Oh, she was beautiful. Aren’t they all? But I was struggling to get past her Latin American accent. That, and the fact she could not act. Sad really. Then poor Timothy Dalton being relegated to this pitiful piece. But I started mentally cataloging his movies, and actually, I couldn’t remember any memorable one’s he’d been in except for maybe James Bond, and his Bond was not the most memorable. Oh, but his voice is beautiful. Not enough. You gotta have something to say and have that quality that I can’t define which pulls me into a piece. He doesn’t really have it. Maybe he should be grateful to get some work? Whatever, I wanted to see Richard Armitage and was so afraid he would be in a costume that disguised him, and it would be a repeat of the Naboo fighter pilot debacle.

Tammi kept urging me to fast forward (as I had commandeered the remote when we first sat down). I wanted to fast forward but was afraid I would miss Richard Armitage! Billy Zane FINALLY came on screen after about 45 minutes. Billy was not memorable either, so we decided to just watch a few scenes and then put the thing away. I knew I could really watch it at home! I selected the death of Caesar, and that’s when it happened! I saw Richard Armitage! Well, I wasn’t sure if it was him at the time, because if I had blinked, I would have missed him. At the beginning of the scene, he’s walking down some stairs with Octavius and another guy. Good thing Tammi has a large screen high def tv! Tammi was groaning about this time, but I could not look away. It soon cut to the death scene, and that is when we both lost it. ROFLOL!!! LOL!!! I mean I nearly wet my pants. Did this movie have anyone who understood props or action scenes? ROFLOL!!! Timothy Dalton looks normal at the beginning of the scene, and then he crosses behind a pillar or something and gains about 50 pounds. We could literally see the padding, which probably contained “blood pockets,” under his toga. ROFLOL!! As he fought off his attackers, the square padding was so evident, that… ROFLOL!! I can barely write this. It was sad. LOL!! Man, that high def is hell.

[note: RA at :0.1 to :01 and then again at :12 to :20]

While I was watching, it occurred to me that Richard Armitage has to laugh at this movie too. He has to if he’s the smart guy I think he is. I’ll bet he learned a ton about how a movie should not be made. Of course he could have been taking notes on Billy’s eyeliner. Wonder if he was standing around when the funeral speech was made. Even Billy himself seemed to be saying, “Do I really have to say this crap?”

When I got home, I was able to finally see the other scenes with Richard, but that was no mean feat. I had to watch the whole movie to do it. If he knew, he would realize that makes me a great admirer. This is a truly awful, awful movie. I would put it in the “so bad it’s good” category, but I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t watched the whole thing which I never would have done without the chance of seeing Richard even if only a few seconds. Thankfully, those were not wasted. God Bless Him he still gets completely into his part even though he’s only a prop. I noticed at the end of this scene (clip below) where he appears for about three seconds and is obviously an underling of Octavius, that he engages his eyes and head to really get the point across. It was such a contrast to the other minion who just stands there like cardboard. No cardboard for Richard. I think I really have gone nuts to repeatedly examine a piece of film that’s no longer than 3 seconds.

[note: RA at 2:48-2:50]

And then there was fighting and gore, and Richard in the middle of it. I’m tired now, so I’m not quite up to scrutinizing this part (clip below) so much yet. Maybe that’s a healthy sign?

[note: RA beginning at :06 off and on until about 1:17]

But I was glad SO watched this with me later, and it reminded him of the good times we had laughing at ‘Tough Guys Don’t Dance.’ Another one “so bad it’s good.” He didn’t even mind that I brought home a yard sale item, but then he thinks it’s a loan from Tammi.

See Diary Part 18 here.

I’m Tired; Need to Take a Nap

That last post wore me out. You think it was work to read?! Try writing that crap especially when you worry about whether you’ve spelled Naboo correctly? I did spell that correctly didn’t I? Useless crap that I obsess over.

I would have added this to the other post, but I think I’ve updated that thing about six times since I originally published it, which was, uh, let me go look…one hour ago. Wow, and I only updated six times. I’m improving.

So this post won’t be a total waste, a lovely picture for your afternoon or morning or whatever:

As Lorraine Kelly said, “A beautiful boy.”

Screencap courtesy of TheArmitageArmy.co.uk