Diary of an RA Fan — Part 28 Battling the Free Fall

See Diary Part 27 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.

Entry — a few weeks later, November 2008:

All of this reflection is wearing me out. I knew instinctively why I didn’t ever want to write my thoughts. But SO said I would benefit?! Oh yeah, I can see that. What was the point again? To wallow in all the things that dissatisfy me? A few weeks ago I did think it was a good thing. Now I’ll have to eventually burn this so the kids won’t see it. And I had thought this might be something for them. LOL! No way in hell.


I’m still watching Spooks. Five shows in, and this last was one of the best. Richard Armitage, you are something else. And I just thought you couldn’t top your sexiness as Guy of Gisborne. Wrong. Still so sexy while in all that lovely turmoil. Oh, that turmoil looked that good. I’m also still trying to figure out how you can look so weak and yet masculine at the same time.

Still amazed that no one I know has ever heard of him! No, I’m wrong. Pat had heard of him. She immediately responded when I put the Guy video on my Facebook wall, but then she asked me not to talk about it on FB. What is she so afraid of? Tammi just laughed when I put up the video. She’s just like SO who laughs at most things. But the truth is she thinks I’m nuts and frequently, gently tells me I’m having a little mid-life breakdown. I don’t appear to listen, but I think she’s right. I sound like an idiot, and my mind is kicked into overdrive, and that’s saying something since I’ve always had difficulty falling asleep because my mind WILL NOT SLOW DOWN! The doctors keep trying to hang me with bi-polar, but I refuse to accept it. If they were ever successful in labeling me, it would be a bit of hell to ever again be taken seriously. But something is wrong, and I can’t ignore the fact there are several in my family who are diagnosed with it.

Mom has never been diagnosed, but if she’s not bi-polar, I’m wondering what makes her so “eccentric.” Oh heck, she’s classic. Super, super highs and then terrible, terrible lows. Last summer she was too sick to be anything but a nice, steady calm, and it allowed me to con myself into believing some fantasy about how she is. Usually she is such a roller coaster ride, I don’t think I was bored once as a child. There was a buzz always permeating the house. I used to drown it out with tv. Mom used something else to make it stop.

What was I thinking to get excited about a long trip with her to a place far, faraway. Auntie Mame on the set of Spooks? I need to be afraid, and I would be, but I really do want to go to England, and I swear it has nothing to do with Richard Armitage. I want to see all of the “family” places Mom wants to show me. Yeah, I’m itching to hear about Great Grandfather Abraham and all he achieved. Somehow that will edify.

But I’m not going to stop with this Richard Armitage thing; it soothes me. I’m going to keep at it. And I think I’m over my concern about objectifying him too much ’cause I know I am objectifying him — some. When I think of really objectifying a man, I don’t think of someone like him. I think of someone like Hrithik Roshan. He is an object waiting happen. No, even him I can’t fully objectify. I saw an interview, and he was so earnest about making it as a serious actor that my heart went out to him. He is beautiful, and I’m sure no one can get around that in his presence, but how do you make it as a serious actor when you look like that?! I hope he’s successful. What am I saying? I don’t even know these people, but it’s much easier for me to say something like that than to examine what I want.

I watched Dhoom2 again the other night. What a crazy movie. The old phrase about a kaleidoscope is apt. And as with everything else, it piqued my curiosity. I’m now intensely wondering what the Indian people are really like.

Present day:

I have come to really appreciate Hrithik Roshan but have to admit his extreme good looks did make me assume something about him that was unfair. More on this in another post.

RA screencaps courtesy of RichardArmitageNet.com

Hrithik Roshan screencap is mine.


  1. Wow. Maya Angelou once said that when she writes she sharpens her pencils on her scars. Don’t be afraid of it. That’s where the good, real stuff is.

  2. […] — Part 3 Glorious Summer!Diary of an RA Fan – Part 2 I Am Determined to Prove a VillainDiary of an RA Fan — Part 28 Battling the Free FallAddict ListDiary of an RA Fan — Part 5 Toe in the WaterDiary of an RA Fan — […]

  3. Everything Jazzy said. Don’t stop.

  4. I had never heard of Hrithik Roshan prior to this but he is one beautiful man! Maybe just a little too perfect? Richard’s slightly less aestheticly pleasing face has more appeal for me, though!

  5. I only read your blog once in a while to make me feel like I am not so weird for obsessing over Richard – a man I will never meet and have a nice conversation over a cup of tea. :)

    Interesting that you mentioned Hrithik Roshan. I recently watched “Jodhaa Akbar” where he played a historical leader in India. i haven’t decided if he is to my liking – the signing and dancing parts got in the way of me fully enjoying the movie – but he has very striking eyes. The eyes just “popped” whenever he was on the screen and of course he has taken very good care of his body. :D I will have to see this Dhoom movie (hope its on Netflix) you mentioned.

    BTW, I also agree that Richard is more appealing.

  6. From the start I was aware what was happening to me(mid-life breakdown).:) I’m depressive(eternally smiling) person, I like sensitive,interesting people with defects. IMO,perfection is inhuman,callous and soullness.
    Hrithic Roshan is beautiful,perfect and completly asexual for me.He looks like as if he just went from production line.;)

  7. I think the “Diaries” of RAfrenzy are a big background to why we are here, Why a focus on one actor draws us together, why he inspires rather (Rather???) a lot creativity and art. Mostly, because there is a “forum” to inspire one another. (Of course, he is DDG :D )

    I say – KEEP IT ALL COMING, frenz.

  8. I’ve seen a few of Hrithik’s films, never really thought much about his acting. Sure he’s a really good-looking guy but it wasn’t until I saw him be a judge on an Indian dance show that I truly fell for him. He, as a person, is just absolutely lovely! I can vouch for my aunts, my friends and everyone else that saw him in that show. No one knew who he was until he was there. As a person the values he has, his perspective of life, his passion for acting… they all came together to make this beautiful human being.

  9. Thanks to you all for the encouragement, and Sheepa, I’m going to add a present day comment to my post. I have absolutely come to love Hrithik Roshan, and I don’t want to leave the impression that I don’t.

  10. BTW, Dhoom2 is on Netflix.

  11. And it’s instant play. LOL!

  12. These diaries are freakin amazing. Oops, can I say that? I am going through one by one slowly because I am loving it. Very, very real and helping me gain perspective too.

  13. Thank you, Gracie. It was my hope when I started that someone could relate and benefit.

  14. […] Frenz updates what’s for me the most interesting part of her blog — her diary entries! […]

  15. Frenz, you HAVE to check out “Jodhaa Akbar” from Netflix. It’s an Indian period film with Hrithik in it. It has his cheesy moments (like the typicall bollywood burst-into-song-and-dance moments) and it is all in subtitles… but I loved it. I’m wondering if you’d like it too. Let me know if you watch it! :) After watching it, I checked on Dhoom 2, but didn’t like it as much. And if you’re saying Hrithik set off your gaydar… I thought the same thing too at first until I watched some of his work and learned more about him. He’s just a pretty boy.

  16. I’ve seen it and felt just like you! Loved it for lots of reasons, but the campiness is great. :D He never has set off my gaydar although he is beautiful, and I think I wouldn’t be able to look away if someone like him walked into a room.

  17. Hrithik Roshan? It’s his moves, baby, the moves. You watch Bollywood, too? Oh, I KNEW I loved you.

  18. And of course I’m loving you. :D Moves aside, there’s something about Roshan that tugs on my heart strings.

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