Who Are You?

October 7, 2012

I was sitting here thinking I’m not quite sure where to put this post. Sometimes it seems this place is so full of snark that I’ve boxed myself into something and can’t get out of it. But that’s a lie. I’m not in a box and never have been. I’ve just believed at times I was. And I love snark. I love teasing. It’s stock and trade at my house, and I’m the least of the teasers there. But I can hold my own, and I’m glad. It’s made life so much more fun. Being able to laugh is a God send.

And if I had not been able to laugh for the last several years, I think I would have gone mad. Life can be rough and never turns out like we expect. I don’t know one person, not one, whose life has gone the way they planned. That sounds like a downer, but really, it’s not always a bad thing although it’s often an unnerving thing, and I’ve been unnerved plenty. Thankfully, I got early training in the unexpected, in being blindsided by what life can throw at us. Some of what I’ve been learning to write about has to do with all of the unexpected events that occurred to me as I was growing up. Trying to make sense of them and how they affected me.

One thing I’ve realized is how weird my childhood was by comparison to most others’. When I tell anyone even a little of what it was like, I can see their shock and sometimes pity at what they believe I endured, but I never really think of it that way. It’s taken me a long time to believe I endured anything, and I have never pitied myself and don’t relish anyone else’s pity. I just know I am what some people think of as damaged goods. But really we’re all damaged goods. My damage just seems more dramatic to some, and in a way, it’s a gift because it’s freed me. I’m not confined by nearly as much conventional wisdom as most people. My upbringing cut me loose almost from the beginning. The only real obstacle I had was in not realizing it. It used to really bother me that I wasn’t conventional and didn’t fit anywhere or with any group. I didn’t realize what a gift that is. To not fit in with a particular group leaves you free to fit in anywhere. But first you have to learn to live with being considered a weirdo. You have to embrace it. You have to embrace that gift. So anyone reading this who feels like you’re just out of step with the world, be glad. The world is often full of absurdity. You want to be in step with that?

And what brought this on? A video among other things. LOL! I can so relate to this:

What a little gem.

Should I bother with the proverbial Richard Armitage tie in or leave him alone for the evening? I think I’ll leave him be.


  1. Thank you for your honestly. I completely relate to what you wrote. Just because horrible things happen to many people, it doesn’t mean that life is completely horrible, that there is no beauty or love or friendship or moments of great joy. I just refuse to give up. Posts like this help tremendously. I am sending you a virtual hug, with my sincere appreciation. Keep writing, please! Thank you.

  2. Hey, Frenz…..I’m beginning to believe we have quite a few things in common! I’ve never really fitted in either. I’m pulled 2 ways, even at 65…the desire to “belong” and the equally strong sense of relief that I’m different! From 1 weirdo to another…enjoy!

  3. i always felt like the one marching to the beat of a different drummer, that I never quite fit in with everyone else.

    Part of me wanted to fit in, part of me liked the things that made me different. Now I just accept that I am different and that different can indeed be a good thing.

    And yeah, life, as I can attest, can be tough and disappointing and break your heart at times. Laughter always helps me through the hard times, too. Hang in there.

  4. Also sending a virtual hug.

  5. XXOO.

  6. You aren’t a weirdo. You just march to a different symphony that only you can hear. Sounds beautiful and unique to me. In times of hardship, I rely on the old adage … ‘when life gives you lemons, just make lemonade’. I don’t know about you, but I am quite fond of lemonade. As far as being being damaged, your life circumstances make you the fine person that you are. We are all a sum of our experiences and environment. It also sounds like you have true empathy for others because of your life experiences, and that is a very good thing.

  7. I thank you all for the kinds words. I also want you to know that I’m doing well. The trauma in my life is many years gone. Not that life doesn’t hold more trauma for all of us, but I came to a place in my life where I was what I call hockey proof a long, long time ago. Doesn’t mean I won’t need some hugs at some point, so I’m saving these. :D

  8. And I would be remiss not to say I give the Lord much credit for my well-being. I would be dead if not for Him.

    Can I talk about the Lord after using a “barnyard” word? Obviously, I think I can. It takes nothing away from His magnificence. As if I could.

  9. But I’ve been working something out, and I imagine I’ll be working it out through eternity. I welcome that, and apart from my relationship with the Almighty, I think of my children. I want them to know that it’s possible to have a relationship with the Lord and be real. I have yet to play a game, to play religion or church, and i don’t intend to start now. I hope they can see that and have the courage to be who they are!

  10. Other than all of that, did anyone notice the typo in that video? I think it was made in another country (France I believe) which would explain it.

  11. Belonging is overrated. Finding kindred spirits is usually so much more interesting.

  12. “I want them to know that it’s possible to have a relationship with the Lord and be real.” That’s it in a nutshell and it is what I pray for ALL my children and grandchildren. Many of them already know that for themselves but the others need to realize that it’s true and find that courage. So thank you Frenz! This post has encouraged me too.

  13. What Kathleen said up there. Frenz, you and I have compared battle scars before and you know I get where you’re coming from. Just a little virtual hug from me while you’re working it out.

  14. Frenz I also had a weird childhood which I never talk about . I was never hurt, but people would not understand my upbringing or give in to pity for me. It may been odd, but not to me at the time, now I know it was. But I feel I am the person that I am, and my understanding of people is greater that had I not had the childhood that I did. There are days that I do feel sadness from it, but do have a great family who let me that it’s o.k. to feel that way. Hugs to you.

  15. I agree with Kathleen Bebeau.

  16. My dear friend, we are a lot alike in so many ways: I have finally been able to “embrace” my uniqueness as well and it’s been liberating!!! God designed me exactly how he intended and after forty years in the “desert”, I am now in the “promise land”.

  17. I really do appreciate all of the kind words. If I could hug all of you, I would.

    This post is showing me something that my family and close friends have told me for years — I can look upset even when I’m not. I really, really am doing well. Life is not easy, but is it for anyone? If I am able to cope with what goes on in life, the Lord gets credit. Pretty simple for me really, and that does make me want to get up in the morning and pursue whatever it is I am to pursue.

    And no, I cannot explain this place, but I’m not dithering about it anymore. I’m just running with it and the other place too. :D

    Leticia, I love it! :)

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