Dreams and the Passing of Time

I’m not quite as up on Google Alerts about Richard Armitage as I used to be, and really there’s no need since so many fan sites keep up. I appreciate that! Plus, it gives me time to do something I really love which is watching videos like this one below from my oldest kid.

She wrote this in a few minutes, taped it and sent it to me. And she’s got about 20 more, since she can’t seem to stop. This one is not perfect, but I love it. Not just because I think it’s a great song and has tons of potential but also for what it represents.

She is pursuing her dreams, which very definitely include a highly artistic facet — writing, photography and music, and who knows what else. It seems when someone is letting their artist flow, it just doesn’t stop. This interview with Viggo Mortensen speaks to the mentality and reminded me of how I really did think as a child — that there were no limits on what I could do or express.

But the kind of focus required for these endeavors has “real life” envious and continually trying to intrude. The ability to ignore real life then becomes paramount to the creative if they are ever to do anything significant. They must learn to hang onto the precious dreams of childhood.

SO and I did not have a great ability with this. We were forever trying to please our parents. Sadly, our parents and others preached such a conservative approach to life that it almost squelched the creative in us. It’s been a fight to keep it alive! Even my father who was fairly unorthodox and highly creative was very conservative when it came to my future. Don’t get a degree in music, don’t play in a band for a living, don’t go off to parts unknown to do photo essays, don’t, don’t, don’t, because (gasp!) you might experience some hard times. This was said incessantly. Guess what? I’ve experienced hard times anyway. Don’t we all?

With our children, SO and I have tried to take a better approach, tried to inspire yet prepare them for what they were getting into without demoralizing them. Don’t be stupid and still pursue your dreams is what we’ve said. Certainly, that’s hard, but anything worth doing…

This was also talked about, and thankfully, they seem to have taken it to heart. Two have ended up in New York to pursue their passions and one is on the west coast doing the same.

And who knows what’s going to happen. At worst, they will always know they tried.

© 2014

In the meantime, this child keeps writing as well as bartending in the city with her sister (they are middle and far right) and going to school (the “don’t be stupid” part):


What does all of this have to do with Richard Armitage? I’m getting to it. It’s been slow, and I’ve dithered around for a couple of years about my diary in the process, because it’s been hard to figure out what I should publish and what I shouldn’t. But I’m determined to finish. I’ve also talked to a lot of people (including all of the people mentioned in the diary), and almost all have said go for it. Even before I started, I had permission from those put in the most unflattering light, but I have still struggled with publishing. I’m very loyal to my family and never want to cause them harm. But I think I’ve come to understand that what I reveal is not harmful but a common reality and perhaps how it resolved in my life will help someone else.

Words of Encouragement Never Get Old

I was reading a blog that has become one of my favorites on writing and wanted to share:

Never give up on your dreams by Cristian Mihai


One of my favorite quotes goes like this: ”Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

Ambrose Redmon said that.

Fear is an impulse, or like the tattoo on my arm says, “Fear is the mind killer.” Frank Herbert said that. In Dune. So you can’t stop being afraid, but you can fight fear, you can control it.
I don’t think I ever told you how I became a writer. Or if I did, it was long ago.

When I was a kid, I didn’t really like to read or write. Of course, I made up stories. My father had brought me this Atlas of the World, and I found about this city in the US called Seattle. And I thought, “What a great name.” I didn’t know how it should be pronounced, so I pronounced it seetle or something like that.

Read the rest here

And thank you to all of you who responded to my question in the last post. I did not expect encouragement, but I thank you very much for it!

I Really Did Have a Richard Armitage Dream

And now for something weird.

The other night I slept 16 hours when normally I sleep six at most. This may account for Richard showing up in my dreams for the first time.

I was sitting in the back of a large, black SUV and a man was sitting beside me. We were both dressed in black slacks and black turtle neck sweaters and talking about some project we were working on. No specifics on that; just that we were making preparations to continue with it. A few moments later someone walked up to my side of the vehicle, and I partially rolled down the window to see who it was. It was Richard Armitage, and he was also dressed all in black with some sort of black cap on his head. He peered into the window and said very slowly, “There you are.” Then he pulled a black ski mask over his face and just stared at me through the eye slits for an inordinately long time. Eventually I looked straight ahead and said, “You’re unnerving me.”

Then it was onto the next dream where I was a prisoner in a concentration camp and there was lice all around. I woke up with an itchy scalp.

Let the psychoanalysis begin. :D

I Ate a Twinkie Today

There is actually something that can distract me from Richard Armitage watching. Yes, I know that’s a shameful thing to admit, but there it is. Son (aka the son of SO) has me running all over the country to help him check out potential schools. I have never worked so hard nor been so tired except maybe when I gave birth to said Son. I refresh myself with the thought that he will have several years of schooling possibly paid by someone other than dear old Mom and Dad. Oh, that sounds like a cop out? You have obviously never had to deal with a kid who is maniacal about participating in an activity. Yes, that’s what I thought — no clue about what a huge drain it is on time and other resources, which means I have paid in advance for this “privilege” of someone else paying for Son’s schooling. LOL! The years of driving to his events are enough to scare most sane people.

And now come the recruiters. What a learning curve this has been, and son is getting a marvelous education in card playing. He, who was taught to let his yes mean yes and his no mean no, was innocent about recruiters. I’m happy to say he is a quick study and has learned very fast which cards to play and which to hold. On his own he now has the two schools of his choice up to paying for almost everything. I’m observing in amusement as he might actually get them to pay for all of it. No matter what happens, he’s parlaying this into much more than I ever dreamed of during the years I was watching him work out before and after school, often say no to his friends when they wanted to hang out, eat his precision diet with carb loading on certain days of the week, drink untold amounts of water, monitor the competition, spend what seemed like man years studying the best ways to improve his abilities, and certainly, perform his sport. Ahh! this last is quite a thing to behold, but his ability at the non-answer is fast eclipsing it. In celebration of his new found negotiating skills and our diet not needing to be quite so strict around here in future, I renewed an acquaintance with highly processed, sugary foods.

Since this isn’t a tangent piece (although it borders on one), the inevitable tie in:

Perhaps Richard Armitage was right when he said some of his fans are motherly. Although I don’t feel in the least motherly towards him (the thought is icky), I must admit I have at times thought of his mother and wondered if she has felt about her son as I’m feeling about mine right now. What was it like for her to watch her child immerse himself so completely in something he loved? Was there a niggling thought he may actually want to pursue a career with such a potentially fickle fate? Was she scared about her son making deals only to perhaps find himself hurt and the dream dying? Or did she focus on his wonderful discipline and tenacity to pursue something so difficult for most others to attain? Did she some days get a pang of fear and want to talk him out of it and on other days seek to move heaven and earth to see that he got a chance? I did read somewhere she took a job so he could attend Pattison’s College in Coventry. I also wonder how many performances she saw or perhaps even helped with before her son was ever on anyone’s radar. Did she ever think it would come to this? And when it did, how did she celebrate?

I hope you indulged in more than a Twinkie, Mrs. Armitage.

A picture of Richard in his early twenties and on the verge of entering the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts (LAMDA).

For those just stumbling on this site, yes, the guy in my banner picture is the same.

Photo courtesy of RichardArmitageNet.Com