#3, 2, 1 The Gift of Life

DonateLifeLogo Color PMSToday is my last post in this recent series of posts about Thanksgiving.

This post was originally drafted in three short posts, but obviously I’m having it in one go, and I will try not to make it too long.

The Gift of Life.

As I draft this, it’s very early Monday morning, and I will be going to work soon. But I’m sitting here reliving for about the thousandth time all that’s happened in my family this last year. SO is asleep beside me as I type, and when I look at him, big tears come into my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I think it’s a Knowshon moment. That’s when the magnitude of something seemingly mundane on most days hits like a wave. The wave is passing over me to such a degree I can barely type this. Emo? Yep. Very emo.

And I have such gratitude for a man named Mike. He gave a kidney to SO, and it changed our lives. He put himself through hell for almost eleven months to get this done, and all because he was grateful to God and wanted to give something in return. Through it all, Mike was always at ease and confident that it was going to happen, and he gives God credit for that peace and confidence. How can I do any less.

But saying thank you for this magnificent gift seems paltry. It’s the very minimum, and in the weeks after the surgery, I thought about what I could do to really show my gratitude. I would love to say I knew quickly, but honestly, I was so tired physically, I couldn’t think straight. My first inclination was to throw a party and praise God and Mike, and I did praise God and Mike, but eventually, the answer came to me so clearly I laughed. That’s my usual response to an epiphany. I chuckle because the answer has often been right in front of my face. And in this instance, what a lovely answer it is and the response God wants above all others.

I have also been given the gift of life, as we all have been given this gift. And it’s an absolved life. That’s a hard concept to grasp, but it’s there and not going away. I forget this more than I should, but thankfully, I’ve been coming to it more and more as I get older. It’s taken circumstances making me move myself out of the way in order to understand and keep understanding that it’s not what I can effect but rather passing on what’s been effected and continually effected by the Almighty. Specifically, grace. For me, I’ve been loved and forgiven and encouraged so many times, even when there were countless things I’ve done that I shouldn’t have or things I haven’t done that I should have. That grace has sustained me through it all. Without it, I wouldn’t be here, or at least not here with any semblance of a person. I would have been a shell acting like a person. Right now there is such a need to pass on that comfort, and I don’t ever want to forget to do it!

A few months ago I said I was a fighter, and yes, there are parts of me that are like a warrior. Those parts of me wanted to fight the people who seemed to be threatening SO’s life. But I don’t really want to fight people. I don’t think David really wanted to fight people. At least he didn’t start out that way. And Christ did not fight people. Told the truth? Yes, but fought? No, he didn’t do that. And I don’t want to do it either. I want to give what’s been given to me — a second chance at life myriad times.

And I know Mike will also appreciate this more than any words I could offer up.

Does all of this put me on the hook to be held accountable as some will see fit to do? You bet, and that’s okay.

note: When I decided to do this series of posts, I knew I would lose some followers. The subject matter in several of these posts is not what readers came for initially, so I did lose some followers. I totally understand that. But frankly, I lose and gain followers everyday and don’t put much stock in that ebb and flow. What I didn’t expect is that my gains would be much more than my losses, and that I would receive so many lovely notes from people who have no need to thump their chests nor a Bible but who love God. Thank you to all of you who have sent me notes and thank you to all of you who have deigned to follow my ramblings. And be forewarned I’m returning to the snark later today. :D

RA’s Diary — Fan Love Revisited Again and Again

RA’s Diary

Entry — December 11, 2011:

Damn! Christmas is two weeks away, and I’ve got to get some shopping done. This adventure in New Zealand is fantastic but leaves so little time for those things I used to do so easily.

And I’m not sure what I think of the fans anymore. Yes, I really appreciate them. I mean I really, really, really appreciate them, and I’ve said so over and over again, but I wonder if I can ever say it enough for them. Can I ever really satisfy some of these people? I can’t, but I want to. I don’t want them to think me a wanker. I am not a wanker! I wish they understood that I just can’t keep up the kind of intimacy we had in the beginning. I hate I can’t do that. I wish we could keep up the fun that happened then, but the newer fans who want that just aren’t going to get it. I’m only one person. And then there are the fans who think they really know me and want me to know them. Scary stuff at times and such a drain.

Note to self: compose another Christmas message and tell Mum to prepare for the deluge.

note from Frenz: Of course it’s another fake diary entry. My control freak has taken over again, so that I not only speak for myself but for everyone else that I can. :D And now for my canned disclaimer.

Disclaimer:

At no time in the writing of this entry did I imagine I was really speaking for Richard Armitage nor did I deceive myself into thinking I really know his thoughts. Therefore, there is no need to involve his agent or manager or publicist in what is supposed to be humorous. Of course I realize tone on the net is not always properly conveyed, and hey, I’m not a writer (I just have lots of crap I want to say), so I’m not taking the chance of being misconstrued. You do know this is supposed to be humorous? LOL! If not or if you are action fans RA picked up during the Strike Back airing, I put in LOL to make that clear.