Richard, I Still Love, Love, Love, You

Okay, so I got that out of the way, or maybe not. I may have a fake fan letter in me before I quit this post.  But in the meantime, I have to say something again (that for strangers reading who don’t understand the magic of Richard Armitage fandom) is the massive key to the fandom’s appeal. It’s about the friends.  Oh make no mistake fandom can be a rough and tumble world. A bully or two exists, and sometimes there’s some weirdness, but all of that is eclipsed by some wonderful people, who don’t want to do anything other than be a friend.  Love, love, love that.  It is the stuff that makes the world go ’round.  And all you need is love, and then you can die happy even if you’re old and decrepit, and a lot of other things have gone to crap.  If you have friends whom you love and they love you, that’s enough.  It makes a person rich in ways money can never touch. Money can never touch it…money can never touch it.

During my time as a fan, I’ve had the great privilege and pleasure to become friends with some really fine people.  And if there is anything that I am thankful for the most in my time yukking it up with other Armitage fans, it’s these friends.  They are all unique, but they do share some things in common that I find highly satisfying.  Of course they all like Richard Armitage. Duh. They all love to laugh — a lot. They appreciate good food.  They all ponder much more than their frequent laughter would suggest.  They care deeply about their family and friends.  They all love going new places and meeting new people, so they are not afraid to talk to strangers.  And that’s where I came in.  They talked to me, someone whom they had never met nor even heard my voice. But we had a point of understanding in our being moved by the performances of Richard Armitage and his continued affect on us and why, why, why were we so affected?!

And we still discuss that today after years of knowing each other. I’m not sure we will ever get the answer, and I don’t know that we ever want to sum it up. It’s too much fun talking about it.  In that interest, one of the friends wanted me to see Love, Love, Love. I told her I her I would try, then I wasn’t sure, and then I told her I couldn’t.  I am a tightwad by nature. I don’t mean being stingy with others, but I learned at a young age how to say no. And so I said no to the Richard Armitage play.  I had a business to run and cash flow to worry about and yes, some horrendous medical bills to pay off, so I could not justify taking a trip to New York to watch Richard Armitage in a play — no matter how lovely the thought.

But one day back in the summer, Armitage Besotted called me up and asked again, “Do you think you will come to New York for the play?”  My answer was the same, and then she asked me what would keep me from it.  Most of it had to do with not being frivolous with money, and she said, “Well, don’t even think about it. It’s on me.”  I immediately said, “No, no, I can’t accept that. I appreciate it, but I can’t accept that.”   I was overwhelmed by this. Seriously.  It completely took me aback.  I was not expecting anything like this, and I didn’t feel I could accept. Then I remembered something my father said, “When a person is moved to give you something out of the kindness of their heart, and you know it’s not manipulated, accept it. To not accept it is an affront. It’s saying, ‘You’re not good enough to give me something.'” All of that ran through my head as she was saying this to me, and I was struggling with it because it was such a huge gesture. In fact, I’m still reeling from it and feel a great need to express how I feel about it all:

AB,

This fan letter is for you.

My friend, you will never know how much what you did moved me. I’m just sorry it’s taken me three weeks to talk about it publicly. I do want you to know that even if you hadn’t done it, I consider you a great friend. Whatever all this Richard Armitage stuff is about, I’m glad we know each other most of all.

And whether you realize it or not, God had a hand in it. I was able to facilitate the resolution of an issue that I didn’t even know existed until I was coming to New York. It resolved rather satisfactorily and in a way that I could never have anticipated it happening. God’s hand was all over it. So you and your big heart were a divine instrument. We can talk more about this later.

For now just know that it was a unique experience to be that up close and personal with Richard Armitage’s chest. And how could I not when I was this close to the stage?!

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And thank you for making it possible for me to meet some other fans whom I’ve conversed with online on several occasions and some on many occasions. In particular, thank you for the opportunity to meet Abby aka AwkwardCeleb. We’ve known each other online for a long time but had never actually met until we had dinner before the play. Thank you, thank you! Abby is a sweetheart just like you, and as so many others were who were at our table. I enjoyed you all and wish I could have spent much more time with you!

Love,
Your friend and fellow Armitage admirer

For those looking at that photo, just know I was on the front row (pretty much center) and that the stage was about three feet from my seat, so that the edge of it was eye level, and if I had reached out my foot, I could have touched it easily. In fact, I think I did that just for grins.

I will give my impressions of the play in another post. I look forward to that! But this post is the most important to me.

Just When I Thought I Had Broken Free

I’ve had a relapse on my addiction, which could only be achieved by a powerful trigger — an episode of Berlin Station. I’m in the middle of it, but I had to say that it is such a pleasure to see Richard on the screen again in something I can actually watch without ducking my head under some covers.

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I’m blaming this on Armitage Besotted. Yeah, I’m looking at you, AB, you are cruel! There is so much work I need to get done. There is no time to watch this. Blast! But I’m watching anyway. I’m watching anyway.

Dear Richard:

You hear that?! I’m watching this blasted thing anyway. And why? It should be easy to guess. I’m still addicted to watching you perform. And my curiosity about your “new and improved” accent also got the best of me. By the way, so far, so good.

Gone to droolcritique your performance,
Your crazy fan

A Different Kind of Rippling — RA on Politics Part IV

It’s hard to talk about politics and always has been. “Don’t talk publicly about politics, religion, sex or money.” I do not know how many times I have heard this saying or some variation of it. However you or I take that phrase, it is hard for many to talk about these subjects because we all have an emotional connection to them. But politics is the most difficult to discuss. With religion, sex or money someone can always preface her remarks as only pertaining to herself, but politics by its nature is about us collectively. This makes it impossible to limit any comments we make about it, so when we do speak of it, we’re destined to traverse a gooey mass of opinions.

As for myself, I have never had an issue speaking of religion, sex or money. I was brought up with very few boundaries in regard to discussing those subjects or almost any other subject, gooey mass of opinions or no. If anything, I had to learn some decorum. Politics was another matter. I was hesitant and still am, I can’t get around the fact that anytime politics is brought up, someone is going to be pissed off. Thankfully, I learned this early because I grew up observing a political operative, a master of maneuvers, if you will, who understood people and politics to a degree that still astounds me and others who knew him. I look back now and shake my head and chuckle at some of the things I observed my father doing and how he could get people to do things and in particular give time and money to causes. When it came to speaking politically, he was very circumspect and never lost his cool. I wish I could say the same, but I can’t. He saw politics or any communications about it as a minefield instead of a boggy mess, but he loved a challenge, so he thrived on navigating the potential bombs.

But most of us don’t thrive on the thrill of beating the explosions. We just want to say something and sometimes passionately and hope it will have a good effect, or maybe we’re ranting and not paying attention to how others may be receiving it. We’re just that damn mad. Unfortunately, you can’t throw a rock in a pond and expect no ripples (see how I scaled back that metaphor to something less militaristic? :D). No, seriously, when we speak and especially if we speak passionately, we are going to get a reaction, and if we don’t, I think most of us would be depressed at the thought no one is listening.

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Richard Armitage, who recently started making passionate political posts on Twitter, has been speaking to be heard. There is nothing wrong with his doing this. He should be able to do it if he has one million followers or two. But I don’t think he counted on how the blow ups from his tweets would affect him. He certainly expected his remarks to have fallout. He’s not a fool. This is not the first time he’s spoken politically and others had something negative to say about it, so he knew some people wouldn’t like it. But his reaction to the negative response is what I’m referencing. His passion got away from him and he made a crack of a come back, which the kinder, gentler Richard more than likely knew as soon as he’d done it (or very near) that it would rain down holy hell on the fan who had spoken. I believe for that reason he removed his tweet. He thought better of it and didn’t want to create trouble for the person. Yes, I want to believe Richard is this nice. Sue me.

As well, he probably didn’t want to give a platform to the person. But unfortunately, he can’t put a foot an inch in any direction publicly that the fans are not on it. I mean, man, are they on it. LOL!

So Richard, you can’t tweet and take it back. Dude, haven’t you learned by now that the minute (probably the second actually) you say something on Twitter…Wait a minute. Wait. Wait. Wait. a minute. Oh man, I just realized this tweeting and taking it back quickly was not a mistake. Well, a good chance that it wasn’t. Wait, was this planned? If not, then you stepped into something brilliant.

But I’ve got to recap to make this plain (for myself if no one else :D).

You were passionate about your beliefs, and in the heat of passion about them, you spoke very candidly and pointedly to someone who thought you had an unfair advantage in swaying others when you speak (and she is pretty much right about that, but hey, that should not stop you or anyone from speaking), and now you have lots of fans defending you as if you’re helpless. And I did it too! Oh damn. I did it too! APM made a stealth attack on me! LOL!

The APM aside, I understand, the fans are loving your tweets because of how real they are. No spin. Merely you being a person. a real person, being so passionate and getting all hot and bothered and then pissed off at something someone said to you. And it makes it even better in their minds that you were justified. You exhibiting righteous indignation — the real thing and not for some role?! I suspect this was a massive turn on for some who witnessed it. :D o_O

For those who didn’t like it, well, they’re talking about you too!

And there are a lot of others keeping mum, but they’re reading about this. Oh yeah, they’re reading about it!

A seemingly superb turn of events with respect to PR. *high five*

Signed,
A crazy, formerly APM infected fan who’s over it now – at least for this round, but a fan who still loves you. Yep, a fan who is always going to have a soft spot in her heart for you, Richard no matter if you talk about politics and create a brouhaha or not. Of course if you become a serial killer or worse, I will have to re-evaluate.

Okay, back to sanity. Some of you have asked for my take, and in fact, it was those messages to me privately that put this whole thing on my radar. Well, here’s my take. Richard Armitage has the right to speak his mind about politics. I have never thought differently. But I’m ashamed I became part of the clamoring masses trying to defend Richard Armitage’s right to speak. He has more of a voice than most of us, so this idea he can’t speak is laughable. But I do want to make it clear that I understand he is passionate about what is happening in his country and completely understand his compulsion to speak about it. I understand that all too well as I feel the same about what is happening in my country. We have some very serious issues going on in the U.S., and the frustration at the corruption that is happening is overwhelming. Our leaders and our institutions are failing us, but I don’t think that any of you want to hear me talk about all of that on this blog. And you need to ask yourself why you don’t want to hear it? I think most of it is because you come here to either be entertained or talk about entertainment and not to hear me wax on about my political views.

And now to discuss the fan and her response which set off the reaction. She absolutely has the right to have an expectation (of anyone) and to give a response when someone speaks in a public area. We all have that right. And our expectations do not have to be realistic. The only real boundary to expectations is when they translate into harm or illegal activity. Last time I checked, criticism is not illegal. As to the comment, I’ve thought about it quite a bit. Not because it’s important in the grand scheme of things, but because of my initial reaction, and what that says about me. I initially saw the remark as an insult and unfair, and it was because I like Richard Armitage. That simple. But I looked at it again some hours later, and it is not necessarily an insult and it’s definitely not an unfair conclusion.

I do wish actors would stay out of politics. They have an unfair advantage of swaying opinions due to fandom. Sad.

Of course it depends on how you read this whether it’s an insult or not. I think many of us took Richard’s cue that it was. As to the conclusion this person made, it’s generally true that (well known) actors do have more of a voice on an array of subjects including politics when they may be no more informed than any of the rest of us.

Things I Sometimes Wonder About — still

Sometimes when life smiles at me or gives me a slap, I’m occasionally curious what Richard Armitage has experienced. There’s no question he’s had his share of ups and downs. We all do, but what were they for him and how did he deal with them?

I don’t wonder about these things as often as I did when I was in the euphoric state of my fan odyssey, but I still wonder about how he’s navigated the sometimes treacherous waters of the entertainment business. Have some others given him a break out of the kindness of their hearts even though he doesn’t fit into the usual frame Hollywood thrusts on us? Does kindness even exist in the entertainment culture? Yes, it’s an old question but still largely unanswered, or maybe that’s just me because I don’t read Hollywood exposes. Let me rephrase the question. Does kindness exist significantly enough to be on the radar of those in that business? My gut says if it does, it’s a blip, but I could be wrong. And not to beat a dead horse, but I really did like Todd Garner. Whether you think his movies are any good, I believe he’s a nice guy. Sure he’s part salesman. That’s how money is provided to make movies. Gotta have the salesman, or nothing will get done. I found out in the course of dealing with him and not too long afterward, that he has had the same core group working for him for quite some time. Doesn’t that say something about him? I know it does when others have long term employees or associates. It usually means someone’s a good guy.

But back to Richard Armitage. Have some in the business just fallen all over themselves at his talents? (yeah, I’m still trying to rationalize this addiction.) Or are they just preening for the camera because baby, it’s all about selling the dream. :D

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Actually, I tend to believe Michelle Forbes. Probably because she seems to be pretty blunt, and she’s 50 something, and could well think, “What the hell! I’m gonna tell it like it is, and dammit, I like Richard Armitage.” Yeah, that’s what I infer from her, ’cause baby, that’s what I want to infer. I’m 50 something too, so yeah, that’s how I see it.

But back to Richard. What is in that head? After all these years of being a fan and hating the word fan and generally being at odds with the whole fan thang, I still wonder what is in that head! Oh, I’ve speculated about what’s in there — much more than I’ve written on this blog (yeah, can you believe that) — and on many occasions thought I knew. Sometimes I still think I know. I’m arrogant that way. :D But if I’m being honest, I don’t have much more than a clue, because niggling at the back of my mind is always the thought, “How good an actor is he really? Is he so good that he’s got me completely buffaloed about what kind of person he really is? Then I second guess myself and think, “Nah, he’s a great guy.” And that my friends, is almost always where I land in my thinking. He’s a great guy. A human being who can get upset like the rest of us, but a great guy in the sense that he is kind and polite and still doesn’t have the demeanor of someone who deserves adulation.

I have more things I wonder, but I make no promises on when I’ll type them out. It seems every time I try to make a commitment to communicate here, something happens, and it’s usually major. I won’t bore you with the details, but trust me, it’s usually YUGE. :D So glad I can grin at the trauma. I guess I can because life is crazy, but somehow, somehow, it turns out. Yeah, I know why, but I’m not going to preach on this blog.

Thanks for letting me snaffle your photo, Ms. Forbes. :D

Trying to Keep Up

I haven’t lost complete track of Richard Armitage but darn near. As some of you know, I started a business, and it’s taken almost everything out of me. It is working, but it’s like being pregnant, giving birth and then dealing with an infant. All things that take the stuffing out of someone in her childbearing years let alone someone like me who is long past that. Yep, that’s my concession that I’m not a spring chick.

The rest of my story is that I have one child I’m still homeschooling, take care of two houses (one’s mine, the other one’s a church house), and I got something dropped in my lap a few months ago which has me driving 1,500 miles a month. Unreal. I don’t even know how I’m doing all of this, but the good news is that it’s paying all of those horrendous medical bills. I do not want to go into my old age owing six figures, and thankfully, I won’t!

And thank God! my youngest child, who is in high school, is independent or there would be real trouble. She directs her days more or less. I oversee the subject matter she studies and do lecture on some subjects, but other than that, the child tells me what’s happening. Most of that is her reading constantly — about four books a week and titles such as To Kill a Mockingbird or Ethan Frome or A Member of the Wedding, and some popular fiction thrown in like Looking for Alaska, which she hated. She said, “I don’t get why everyone [read that as her peers] thinks John Green’s writing is so great. This is my third book by him, and the first two I kept thinking that maybe the next book would wow me. That hasn’t happened. Honestly, Mom, To Kill a Mockingbird is soooooo much better than anything John Green has written it’s not funny.” I replied, “You know what’s happened don’t you?” She looked at me, and I continued, “You’ve been spoiled by good writing.” From there we went onto a very productive discussion of what we both like to see in writing.

So where am I going with this? Lately, discussing writing has stirred up such a longing to write again. Not that the desire ever went away, but it’s more intense these days because time’s winged chariot is kicking my ass, and I want to say something before I’m completely crushed. When I feel this way, I become wistful about this place, because writing this blog freed me up to write other things which I needed to get out or self combust. And I still have so much I want to say. Not sure how I’m going to pull it off, but I need to finish something here.

Other than that, picture me something like this (below) as I go about my day. I’m almost constantly with people. I love people, think they’re fascinating, and I never want to be completely cut off from them. Yeah, you can feel that “but” coming. I’ve got to get in a dark room and coalesce my thoughts instead of forever reacting to others — or feeling like I am.

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Candid photo snagged from RichardArmitageNet.com

Am I Going to Skip Over Francis?

Yep, for now that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I did watch the first episode, but man, it was tough to get through it, and I have never thought of myself as having a weak stomach. Let’s just say that episode brought out the wimp in me. After that, I lost the thread of the character, and when I tried to pick it up the other day, I got advice like this below. LOL!

There is an episode in particular that you will want to avoid. A scene that you cannot “unsee.” Wish I had not watched it.

You want to avoid 23 minutes in … up to 30 minutes in — specifically minute #27. Really. DO NOT WATCH IT. You can’t “unsee” it.

I’m not kidding when I say that night, after I saw that, I had nightmares. I don’t ever want to have nightmares about RCA again.

Don’t watch that scene unless you want to hear Richard Armitage in your dreams saying, “Look back at me so I can bite your face.”

maybe you can read the book first cause it’s all there. Tho it shocked me all the same.

while I was reading the book I was definitely more aware of my surroundings bc Francis watches the families he kills

For Ep. 3.12, here is where you can stop – after “make you understand”, then furniture crawl, then turn it off.

Furniture crawl is very CATS. You really don’t want to miss. Turn off sound before to be sure. Horror w/ capital H.

End of Ep. 3.12 is a must before 3.13. But then…there is another…well it’s a bit of a horror minefield, I’m afraid. Sorry. :(

and also this:

You might fear D a lot more if he hides in your back garden… Hope you survive to the end! :)
creepy Francis Dolarhyde

I also had some encouragement, but I need to ponder that for awhile.

Thanks to all of you who tried to word me up on this. I may still watch it. Just not up for it at the moment.

Wow, Richard

Dear Richard,

Your recent comments on the Cybersmile site are some of the most revealing, maybe the most revealing remarks you have ever shared with the public. I’m not entirely sure of that, but it seems that way to someone who has spent a scary amount of time reading what you have to say. Yes, I’m admitting that this fan odyssey is weird. I’ve long thought that and have used humor to laugh about it — at myself mostly, and started off with a diary to explore how very weird I thought it was and what drove me to it.

I haven’t finished those thoughts because along the way, I had life come up and trample me with some harsh realities — witnessing terrific suffering, repeated deaths, and misery in others that just didn’t seem to end. So then this place became comic relief for me. But I hope nothing I’ve ever said was offensive. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

But as to your revelations about yourself, it is humbling to receive sharing like that. I do not take that lightly. I have never taken it lightly when someone has shared their hearts — whether they were famous or not. I consider it something to be treated as precious, because people and the essence of who they are is precious.

And I will seriously ponder the idea of using my own picture and my own name. I’m still on the fence about that, and mostly because I don’t believe I’ve used anonymity to be hurtful. May I never do that! Anyway, I’ll think about it.

Just want you to know I respect you for what you are doing, and I adore your honesty. Always have.

Take care,
A fan

P.S. You are never going to win with some people. I realize you know that, but I still wanted to say I realize it too.

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