Is It Possible Not to Fantasize Sexually About Richard Armitage?

Perhaps I am misreading, but I often get the feeling there is this belief that people who do not have sexual fantasies of Richard Armitage are somehow unhealthy or dishonest since everyone must have sexual fantasies of him. I’ve stated several times that I do not have sexual fantasies of him. Sometimes that’s met with good natured scoffing and sometimes it’s met with outright disbelief. Seldom is it met with agreement — unless in email. It seems to me (which means I could be wrong) that there is little public agreement with me because people do not want to be judged as sexually repressed. I’m sorry that dynamic has occurred, i.e., that people are muted by a fear of being labeled. So I come with this post to hopefully alter the dynamics such that someone can share freely about whatever they think on this topic.

Here’s why I don’t have sexual fantasies about Richard Armitage. I choose not to have them. From early childhood I’ve had a very active and vivid imagination. My family and close friends have often remarked on it. There is also a person with whom I am sexually connected. I adore him as my love and the father of my four children, and remain faithful to him not only physically but in the most important of places — my mind. If I were to let myself have a sexual fantasy of someone other than him, it would be an unhealthy distraction for me because I think I would become attached to someone who was featured in my sexual fantasies. This is one reason I tamped down my imagination for so many years. I knew its power to enslave me. Thankfully, I’ve been coming to a place where I could tap into its wonders without it submerging most everything of value to me. For that I give God credit.

So what am I about here? Besides liking to joke around, I am fascinated with the human condition which includes Richard Armitage’s portrayals of such, my own reactions to that and the reactions of others.

Okay, I have now shared what I think and hope the balance of my blog pieces have made it clear someone does not have to agree with my thinking on this to have a conversation. None of us are exactly alike, and I appreciate that.

55 Comments

  1. Amen, in more ways than one.

  2. My dear, the one thing really free in that live is our thinking, and there are so many thoughts than colours. Respect is the clue.

    *laughing* I thought the unhealthy thing was expressing you have them. ;-)

  3. I think that used to be the societal pressure, but it’s become the reverse hence the need for this post. I react strongly to people being muted by fear. So while it’s fine to express the fantasy, it’s also fine to express that lack of them.

  4. Absolutely agree. X-)

  5. I think there’s a tendency, frequently, when one person says, this is how it is for me and this is why I do what I do, that people read it and think that person is prescribing. What I am opposed to in fandom, generally, is prescribing beyond a very bare minimum around a heavily bounded notion of “harm.” I make no judgments about what might be possible or impossible for any other fan to think or do, or what she should or should not do, I only answer those questions for myself. Let every woman have her own conscience.

  6. Are there really people who insist you are either fantasizing about RA or you are lying???? That really is too bad because accepting that we are all different and our individual experience with the fandom is as unique as the individuals themselves is really part of the charm of being in this community. This topic itself can be taboo and yet you and others are providing a forum for discussion. Maybe I sound way too corny, but I am new to this fan -thing and I am loving it because of the maturity and openness that people are trying to create.

  7. Based on what I witness in private and on the hesitance to comment publicly, there is definitely a tendency for people to feel someone is prescribing, and I’m sure my post will be received the same no matter how many times I qualify it. I hate that.

  8. I also have a super vivid imagination, so I applaud your ability to reign it in and the reason why.
    I think its great we have such a variety of feelings, thoughts and actions. I strive to support everyone and the choices they make. Life can be pretty brutal and I think we all need to support each other.

  9. Gracie, yes, there are significant number of people who do not believe me and have implied things that make me want to say bullshit. Maybe this post is just calling bullshit. LOL!

    I am not one to shy away from talking about a subject. If anything, I’ve had to learn the discretion and boundaries that were not present in my childhood and early adulthood, so that I have a better knowledge of the most effective times to discuss something.

  10. It’s my impression — and this is only something I’ve really understood viscerally in the last two years or so, a lesson learned in conjunction with my parents’ illnesses — that it is extremely difficult for many of us to accept that what is true for us is not true for others, or that how we experience things is not how others do so. We know that intellectually but we can’t accept it emotionally. If I experience a powerful feeling or reaction, it’s hard for me to credit that someone else wouldn’t; if she says she doesn’t, part of me asks whether she’s not being dishonest. I do think it’s important to be self-reflective and ask whether others’ perceptions are valid, but I also think that I in particular have spent a lot of time crediting others’ perceptions when they are not valid for me.

  11. Snicker’s Mom,

    I am finally learning that reigning in the imagination appropriately takes something beyond my ability and I’m loving this.

    Yes, life is brutal and there needs to be support. I try to be wise about how I support, and sometimes I am not wise. But I hope no matter how I go about it that it’s always done with the motivation of care about others.

  12. Servetus,

    Having been raised by people who reveled in the facets of perception, it’s been difficult coming to the conclusion that there is more of a commonality among us humans than I first realized. But I’ve been realizing it more and more and this is freeing me up to write in a way that I know connects. But none of that is to say that we are all in lock step. How dull that would be.

  13. This is my perception which certainly doesn’t have to be true, but the trend was to say that fans should never/ do not sexually fantasize about him (because fill in the blank, etc. etc.), and there was a pushback, suggesting the fans were not being totally forthright in what they did privately. Note, you said you didn’t fantasize because you choose not to do so, not that it was an unnatural/horrible thing to do, an impression I’ve gotten the impression from the APM folks and extremely vocal dissenters.

  14. I couldn’t agree more with you. Thanks for writing it.

  15. There is commonality among us. We are not all the same, nor do we choose the same paths. We each have a sense of who we are. Or perhaps, who we wish to be. If I said I never fantasize about an actor, it would be a lie. It is a small part of my life, and I see no problem with it. (Oh dear, Fitz, get thee to the therapist, is that better than the nunnery!?) I just feel we should all express ourselves as we are. We will have different ways of expressing ourselves. We can be constrained by cultural “norms”, or not. I choose not to talk about fantasies. It is a small doubt about invading the privacy of another person (the actor), plus I am reticent by nature and easily embarrassed :D. In general, I think the women in this community are a great group. I don’t THINK RA has any reason to be embarrassed by us. Cheers, RAf!

  16. If we are aware of the human nature diversity… why not???

  17. Why not what? :D

  18. LOL… Above you asked: Is It Possible Not to Fantasize Sexually About Richard Armitage? I said why not meaning: I think it’s perfectly possible not to fantasize…

  19. :D

  20. :D

    Maybe I should nest comments. I’m not always sure who’s responding to what.

  21. To answer your question…yep, it’s possible. Difficult maybe but with discipline, it can be done…the same discipline that motivates us to NOT eat that plate of chocolate chip cookies in one sitting. :)

  22. To each his/her own ☺ Sometimes I wish I could stop fantasizing about him! I’m such a daydreamer ☺

  23. Thanks for this interesting post RAFrenzy. :-)

    Like Fitzg says, I would lie if I said I never fantasize about an actor.

    I think it’s not a problem to fantasize about an actor as long a we know that it’s just a fantasy and that it would never happen in the real life. ;-)

  24. I hope both of you know I’m not passing judgment on anyone’s fantasies. I’m simply explaining another viewpoint — namely, that not everyone who is a fan of Richard Armitage is having sexual fantasies of him.. Just as it’s not accurate for people to assume that no one has fantasies of the guy, it’s not accurate to assume that all fans do.

    I don’t think I would have put up this post if I had not received email with people wanting to raise their hands and say, “I don’t sit around having sexual fantasies of Richard Armitage but that’s the inference.”

  25. Funny enough! I love reading other fantasies, but personally it ain’t happening and it’s not even a conscious choice! Even in my dreams! My last dream, and I don’t even dream about him on a regular basis, was pure platonic; intimate but like a deep friendship.

  26. Whilst we all love Richard for the amazing looks, talent etc. I don’t look at it as a sexual desire. It is more of a deep founded respect, more like a best friend purely platonic love that makes me pay attention to him more. Yes I admit he is bloody amazingly handsome and stirs something inside me. However it does not mean I want to shag him!

  27. PS.: Frenz: nesting comments might be a good idea aka “good housekeeping”

  28. re: nesting comments — I have them, and I have mixed feelings. On the positive side it encourages conversations to develop apart from me and my ability to moderate them or my interest, as people feel they’re directly speaking to each other. On the negative side, it becomes a lot easier for one or two people to monopolize a discussion thread, turning other commentators off — the non-nested comments keep everyone together in a general conversation. So there are benefits / negatives on both sides.

  29. Judi, I understand there have been some forum admins who didn’t want that kind of fic or discussion of Richard Armitage’s person, but it wasn’t my understanding they were trying to tell others what to do, and if they were, I would be offended by that. I do however know there are a handful of fans infected with APM who have made their displeasure known to Servetus and in some instances to me. I think they should just refrain from reading what offends them.

    Iz, I’m like you. It’s not even a conscious thought even in my dreams.

  30. Thanks for the input on nesting. Great points by you both. Since I’ve run this way from the gitgo, I think I’m going to keep it unnested. Most of the time I know who’s saying what to whom, and the few I occasions I don’t are not enough to warrant nesting. If I become more confused, I’ll think about doing it. :D

  31. Don’t worry RAFrenzy, I understand that you are not judging anyone. ;-)

    Sorry if your today’s message at 5:00 am was not addressed to me. Since my English is not perfect, I’m not sure to understand everything properly, lol.

  32. April, You are doing great with your English! I admire your ability.

  33. I should have made it clear that my 5:00am message was to you, April and to Mersguy.

  34. I am 40-year-old virgin with flatlining sexual drive (I identify myself as asexual). So I don´t feel RA is sexy and I don´t fantasize about him.

  35. RAf, never thought you were casting judgements around! I think you express issues in which we all have a strong interest. And the thing is, there is discussion across the spectrum. Discussion is the key. Please just keep on posting. (Why anyone should take umbrage and deluge any RA etc. blogger with any nasty remarks???)

  36. […] has been much debate over on Servetus‘ and Frenz’s blogs about discussing sexual fantasies and Richard Armitage.  Discussion has been thought […]

  37. Fitz, I’m sorry if I gave the impression that anyone sent me anything nasty. Not at all. I’ve just gotten notes from people who are perplexed at what they’re seeing and feel that there was an inference drawn that was not welcome to them personally. I think I have another post coming on all of this because it gets at something I already wanted to talk about.

  38. I’ll be looking forward to further post! I have lots of thoughts! :)

  39. Welcome, Scarlet. As you know, I hesitated to approve your comment since I wasn’t sure if it was serious or sarcastic. Take care, Frenz.

  40. @ The Queen: Difficulties and dyscypline! LOL!
    I’m 43 years old (almost) virgin. I don’t fantasize about Richard Armitage but I would like to shag Guy of Gizbourne! :)

  41. What an interesting discussion. Certainly RA has a great physique, but we know it’s the result of hard work, and an appreciation of the fact that the business he is in expects good looks. This is what I admire: hard work and intelligence.

  42. Thanks for your compliment RA Frenzy. :-)

    Luckily, Wordreference.com helps me a lot for the translation. ;-)

  43. Oh I am being totally serious, not mocking asexuals (I really am one) or any RA fans. :)

  44. Thanks everyone for keeping this nice and not devolving into us and them.

    Scarlet, thanks for clearing that up.

  45. I absolutely fantasize sexually about Richard Armitage, it’s only in my head, and only when I’m alone, if you get my drift. I find him to be the most sexually attractive man I have ever seen, as well as being a talented performer I enjoy watching and listening to.
    I also think that sexual fantasy is a normal part of life. I’m married to the love of my life, and I believe I’m his as well, and when we are intimate I do not fantasize about anyone, but when I’m alone I do, and I don’t see that as any kind of a betrayal. I’m pretty sure my husband has his fantasies as well, and I have no problem with that at all.
    I hope I didn’t offend anyone.

  46. No offense. I hope I didn’t give any. It is absolutely none of my business what anyone else does, and I do not think sexual fantasy in and of itself is wrong. I just know me, and I can get carried away in my head, so I have to guard my thoughts. And yes, Richard Armitage is very attractive! He is a definite temptation. LOL!

  47. I think it’s interesting where a sexual fantasy will go and where it won’t. For me, for example, I’ve never had one while I’m praying or engaged in religious observance of some kind. Not because I’m consciously telling myself not to — but I think because the fantasies create some kind of similar experience of flow as prayer, and so are not necessary there. So if I really wanted to stop fantasizing, I suppose I’d have to pray more.

  48. Gosh, I really, really hope nobody takes this the wrong way, but…
    I have what I consider to be a normal healthy intimate relationship with my husband, who I love more than life… I also feel that fantasizing is normal as well. I absolutely have sexual fantasies about Richard Armitage, without being too specific, it is only when I’m alone, if you get my drift.
    I do not fantasize when I am intimate with my husband, I don’t feel the need, but I think that Richard Armitage is the most sexually attractive man I have ever seen, and while I also enjoy his work as a performer, he definitely makes my fantasies more exciting, and I don’t feel that is any way a betrayal of my husband, I would never, ever be unfaithful, but to me fantasizing is just adding a little spice to certain areas of my life.

  49. I think a lot of people feel that way, rhapsody. It’s not offensive, to me anyway.

  50. I’ve read more than one person say that she thinks her husband benefits from unexpressed sexual energy that’s generated by thinking about Armitage.

  51. Rhapsody,

    I don’t think what you’ve expressed is uncommon at all, and I think Richard Armitage is very sexually attractive. No question about that.

    To all,

    I guess I feel the need to make it clear again that I am in no way \
    making a judgment on anyone’s fantasies. I’m just making it clear where I’m at. Again, none of that is a judgment call on anyone.

  52. mmm this was quite the interesting read!

  53. I guess there is something wrong with me. I don’t find him attractive.

  54. No worries. It would be a dull place if we were all attracted to the same type of person. Would be fraught with more tension too. LOL!

  55. […] said I haven’t fantasized about him, I never said I didn’t want to. LOL! I just said I chose not to do it. I’d be a big fat liar if I said I never had the yen. But as to AOM, I’m sure […]


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