Diary of an RA Fan — Part 808 The Wayward Lover

August 11, 2014

Hobbit-Premiere-Berlin-Gundi

Entry — Sunday, August 10, 2014:

_______ sent me another song. Every few days she sends one and wants my take on it. Most of them have been great, some good and some okay. But whatever the performance, the sum of her writing is fantastic. Yeah, I’m biased. I can’t help it, but I’m far from alone in that assessment.

She was always a writer and has been successful at it for quite sometime. At barely 20 she went to NYC and landed a good writing job of a few hours a week which more than paid her rent. But writing for someone else was never going to satisfy her. She’s always working on something else, and then she picked up her guitar again and started writing songs. Now SO and I have quite a few on our phones which we can’t stop listening to. They are all rough cuts with all kinds of extraneous noises like her roommate’s hair dryer in the background. I don’t care. They are well written, and some of them I believe could gain something significant.

For the last couple of weeks, part of one song has been on my mind waking up and going to sleep. I have literally gotten up singing it. This prompted me to listen to the whole thing again this evening. It’s about expectations, identity and the desire for acceptance. Despite this song being written for others reasons, I began to see it as something from Richard Armitage and concerning his relationship to us fans. I imagined him singing this song to us and using all sorts of pronouns and of course sincerely but with an occasional sarcastic tone. It made me laugh and think about what may or may not be real.

The lyrics and copyright info, and if you don’t listen to anything else, listen from 3:40 on.

Maybe these thoughts were also brought on by Lee Pace’s interview in May. Maybe it was reviewing Richard’s interview in the Telegraph and the Sunday Times. Or maybe it’s because SO and I live a public life and have for quite a few years. A lot of our moves are watched, and if either of us look at someone the wrong way or reveal something about ourselves the public isn’t ready to see, it can cause some consternation on the public’s part. I don’t worry about this most of the time when I go into public, because some people are going to think what they want to think no matter what SO or I do. But occasionally something comes back to us that we supposedly said or did, and I’m dumbfounded and feel bad that someone read into our expressions and was hurt by them. Obviously, I’ve read in all kinds of things about Richard Armitage during the life of my blog, and I still wonder what he really thinks, and if I should write what I think about that. I don’t wonder this as often as I did when I first started writing. But that song made me wonder, and that in itself makes it a really good song.

rachel

Candid shot of the musician in Central Park

Candid shot of Richard by Gundi (and I’m wondering if Gundi is a fan who has shared this photo with us via RichardArmitageNet.com or not and if I’m violating copyright. Someone raise your hand if you know the answer. Thanks!)

edit: I have riddled this post with typos, and now I see RichardArmiteneNet.com. ROFLOL!! It will be fixed by the time someone reads this comment. Sorry about that, Ali. I flat did not see that. Oy

17 Comments

  1. I really feel for you about the real life issues you and SO have had. I have a friend who has repeatedly been maligned because someone has misunderstood something she did or said or didn’t say, but nodded at. (Mostly this is all from the same crazy people or people that listen to them and believe them, but it’s pretty dire).
    I watch this and commiserate with her, and she is in no way a public figure like RA or LP. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have someone analyzing your every twitch and blink.

  2. I appreciate that, Cill, but I learned to live with this a long time ago. I have to keep telling myself that people can misunderstand things, and it’s not my job to make sure every little thing is understood. Then I consider Richard Armitage whose job is to create illusions and how that can be a pain with how people perceive him as himself.

  3. They say that the greatest difficulty for actors is that people confuse their real persons with their characters. In RA’s case that is true for some fans, but to me a more serious issue is the fans who create a personality for him out of nothing but their own fantasies. One of my issues is that ‘fans’ who ship celebrity couples really know very little about them as people and sometimes don’t care. They make their own judgements about the celebrity and then use that preconception to interpret everything they do. I’ve seen this applied to every sort of ship, from figure skaters to actors to musicians.

  4. Yes, there are figure skating shippers. Tinhats even! http://dubemoir.blogspot.ca/2013/05/why-havent-scott-and-tessa-been-asked.html

  5. There’s no way to stop it. It’s just going to happen. I don’t even try to fight the misconceptions that people have about me. I do try to conduct myself in a way that doesn’t give rise to misunderstanding, but there is only so much I can do, and the rest is someone else’s problem. That’s easy for me to say and do because I’m not in a position that relies on the public’s good opinion.

  6. I love the song! Very thought-provoking, as well as singable / not trite structure.
    “What you wanna hear?” It’s a struggle in the best relationships remembering that your loved one may not always be who you want or need them to be, if they are really themselves. If I’m the one who can’t be that person, will I be able to care that I’ve failed to match that image? How much SHOULD I care? …..
    And how much should I dwell on my loved one’s failure? My own answer is – by the grace of God, not at all…. as I learn to release them from my expectations in order to really see them, and learn to take the risk of letting them really see me.

    And wow, maybe more on topic…. :P Servetus has written about this, I think, under the heading “Richard Armitage, be who I need you to be.” In that clamor, it’s clear he could never please everyone or perhaps anyone. No one can. Being true to oneself and driving toward our God-given purpose is the best hope, I think. I have the feeling you and SO are all over that one, Frenz! Hugs and thanks for sharing this (can you tell I liked it? :)

  7. Thanks, SH. I had not read Servetus’ post (I’ve barely been able to read anything), but that is an old thing among some of us fans — we sometimes want what we want and especially with this latest issue of his love life coming to the fore more than usual. BTW, Rachel knows nothing about that and is not an attentive fan at all. The song was not written about RA at all. I hope my post made that clear. However, I love that the song can mean so many things to so many people. For the longest time, it’s meant nothing to do with RA and I’m sure will return to another meaning for me. But for now, it seemed an apt anthem with the fans.

  8. Oh, I knew that it has nothing to do actually with RA, I think you were very clear about that….. and that’s not what it really meant to me either :)

  9. And your daughter is clearly very talented, especially lyrically. I think good lyrics are the hardest part of a song to write.

  10. Yes @Frenz, very much other people’s problem.
    Btw, when I said ‘one of my issues’ I meant ‘one of the things that I have an issue with’.

  11. I assumed that’s what you meant. Can you believe that about Robin Williams?! Horribly sad.

  12. At first I thought it was just another horrible internet rumor but then I saw the statement from his family. It is a great loss, but I understand the power of depression.

  13. I understand the power as well. There is a power that can defeat it, and I’m sorry Robin Williams was not able to overcome. It makes me heartsick.

  14. Thank you again, SH. I’m a bit biased about my kid, but I do think she has a wonderful ability to capture thoughts and feelings. However, I told her she might think about changing the name of that song to Whadda You Wanna Hear? But I also like its current title.

  15. The song is definitely thought-provoking. “Whadda you wanna hear?” was the hookline and I guess also the idea that stuck with me, so I would probably think that was the title if I just heard it without knowing. I see how her title fits as well. I also like the different ideas centered around “knowing who I am.” Interesting to realize that they mean something a lot different to me now than they would have at her age, or even halfway in between! I just appreciate your sharing it. (We may all be a little biased about our kids, but why not? We can be their best cheerleader, and sometimes that makes a big difference! :)

  16. Your daughter has wonderful songwriting skills. I can certainly understand how you can relate it to RA – I can’t help it either!

  17. Thanks, SH,

    Thanks,Phyllis. That means a lot. I know how much you’re a connoisseur of music.


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