I didn’t think it was possible, but there are people who read my blog who have seen little or no ‘Robin Hood’ hence the spoiler tag. If you do not know the full story of Guy of Gisborne, please don’t read this piece. Just watch the show.
Last chance to bail. :D
Two years ago today I was waiting anxiously for the resolution of Guy. I had been waiting well over a year to find out his ultimate fate after his killing Marian, and it was so much more than wanting to know the resolution of that situation. It had transcended the absurdity that was the show and had moved from Gisborne’s love and desperation for Marian to become about finding resolution for a damaged man and specifically about finding redemption of his life. Even writing this now, it sounds a bit melodramatic, and well, it was melodramatic, but oh, the way the media treated the show made it abundantly clear Guy’s story was THE story albeit the producers could not acknowledge that overtly. It was still done in ways too obvious to miss.
Just one example was Digital Spy doing interviews with the principals in the cast, and Richard Armitage was the last one interviewed — oh yeah, saving the best for last. Some of the questions asked are a bit hackneyed. As always Richard doesn’t give hackneyed answers. He does seem tired but is still able to reveal what it is we love so much about Guy and about him as an actor:
Revelation of the inner core. Even if he had not been redeemed in the last series, he captured something that most can relate to — the need to be loved and the hunger for redemption at times as part of fulfilling that need. This is the secret of Guy’s appeal and why two years later I can still get choked about his passing.
And if Richard Armitage can pull off this kind of examination of a character most would marginalize, what is he really capable of doing? It’s potentially mind boggling to contemplate, and sorry, my friends, but romantic comedies rarely enter my thinking about potential roles for Richard. I have nothing against them and like quite a few, but I hope someone, somewhere who has the means to supply him with damn fine writing will step up, and I doubt it’s going to be a romantic comedy.
However, on a completely shallow note and completely understanding the need to see him in a romance, phew! he is fine in that clip! Blindingly handsome, and to hear from some who have seen him in person, that is nothing by comparison. If that’s nothing, I’m not sure I could handle seeing him in the flesh.
By the way, I was absolutely sure Guy was history once I saw this interview, but then I had thought for a good while Guy was going to meet his end if for no other reason than Richard Armitage had long since outgrown the show. Please note when he touches his head. A long time ago it became abundantly clear this is an obfuscating gesture and interesting to examine in light of one of Servetus’ recent posts. I guess this comment proves I can still devolve into playing the idiot chick from the O’Reilly Factor :D, and now I feel compelled to ask a pardon:
Dear Rich,
I hope you don’t mind going under the magnifying glass so much, and frankly, that is the chief reason I hope you never read my blog. It would make me feel a little self-conscious to know you see the examination of your every move. By the way, I’m contemplating the movement of your eyelashes at some point in the future, and I can’t indulge my anal tendencies quite so much if well, you’re looking at me. So glad you don’t, but I’m sure my SO is glad I’m doing this blog since my need to examine every cussed thing is not so focused on him at present. :D
Sincerely,
One of your crazy fans, who feels a bit self-conscious right now even if you don’t read my blog.
note: I debated doing this post since I still need to do my follow-up to TDHCMO, but frankly, I don’t want to be on a schedule. I’m on a schedule or at someone’s beck and call so much of the time. That’s not really a complaint despite how it sounds, but I need a place I am not so worried about meeting deadlines or others’ expectations. I guess this is it, and tomorrow, I have to continue on with Guy. Too much to talk about to hit and run with one post.
Two days ago someone posted this video on Twitter:
Pompeii by E.S. Posthumus from their Unearthed CD.
I’ve talked about this one before as it’s been one of my favorites since I first saw it almost a year ago. From its finely done editing to its music, this is one of the best Strike Back videos and all around fan videos. There is nothing awkward in it. No moments when the music sounds incidental to the scenes. Just a tightly knit casting of John Porter’s life coming at you. But mostly what draws me is the feeling he has a much greater destiny than the machinations of an MI-6 agent. The sounds of a celestial choir no doubt contribute to this sense.
After I was done watching that one, I moved onto some others that for two to three years I’ve gone back to again and again. Most of them were set to background or theme music and most of them had a sense of the epic, which is what first drew me to fan videos and eventually led me to discovering Richard Armitage. I’ve had an affinity for this musical genre since I was a little kid and dreamed of writing movie scores for a living. One of my fondest childhood memories is spending hours and hours at the piano picking out expansive tunes and trying to perfect them. It’s still one of my favorite pastimes, and I can spend considerable time doing it.
For years after I was grown, I thought this was something entirely frivolous and hoped I would eventually snap out of it. And I did for a couple of years. But I’m coming to understand in a way I didn’t even come close to doing before that this sense of the epic is part of who I am and part of everyone else, and we are all part of it. We’re all part of something epic going on. We were formed to be eternal people with a destiny, and I find myself reveling in this more and more. Although at some points in my life I have considered the antithesis — that we’re a pale mosaic of organisms which has no purpose other than forming some random picture, but I’m not tempted by that any longer and haven’t been for many years. It’s unsatisfying and frankly, boring. Whenever I did feel myself beginning to take the yoke of that thinking, the cells in my body would go into rebellion, and when I examined what was so disturbing, I realized the random picture doesn’t square with the need to seek out my story, our stories, the story.
And how interesting that stories are so important to most of us, and quite a few reading this blog are especially attuned to them. It’s what holds us together as people and more specifically what holds many of us together in our fascination with Richard Armitage. There are plenty of very good looking actors. Plenty of tall actors. Plenty with a wonderful timbre to their voices. Plenty with pleasing personalities. What sets him apart is his determination to get at the story. Of course just like most of us, he’s done things to ensure he didn’t starve, but it seems he’s trying to get at the story as much possible. Or perhaps I’m putting my own views on all of you and should say that I’m fascinated with dear ol’ Richard chiefly because of his infatuation with the story, and certainly by what it is that motivates him so much to get at it and in a way that’s true. I’ll talk more about this later. For now this will have to continue as one of those loose ends along with the others laying around this blog.
So I’ve spent a couple of days rewatching videos that have a sense of the epic, and of all the videographers I’ve watched, none does a better job of putting a finger on the pulse of the story and bringing it to life for others than Angela (aka Spikesbint or Angelfish69).
One of the first that comes to mind:
“Ashielf Pi” by E.S. Posthumus from Cartographer
One of the first I saw of hers:
“Intro” by Caliban from Small Boy and a Grey Heaven
One that does not involve Richard Armitage:
“Central Park” by James Newton Howard from King Kong Soundtrack
One of her birthday tributes to Richard. Be sure to check out her others, and I hope she does one this year. This one made me cry the first several times I saw it:
“Generations” by Immediate from Trailerhead and “The Loss of Yours” by Adrian Johnston from Becoming Jane Soundtrack
“End Music from Atonement” by X Ray Dog from The Vision
Here are some others who have done a superb job of capturing the story with epic music, but I’m only posting one video from each of them in the interest of not having this post go on and on.
JulietD001:
“The Wolsey Commits Suicide / Finale” by Trevor Morris on The Tudors Soundtrack
One of the first North and South videos that was my favorite, and I still love it. By PoleStar00:
“Lake Constance” by Mike Oldfield from Millennium Bell
One by PhoenixLupin, who has some wonderful Richard Armitage videos, but this happens to be about “The Fall”:
“Summoning of the Muse” by the Dead Can Dance from Within the Realm Of A Dying Sun
I’ve labeled all of the videos with their musical pieces, but unfortunately, not all of that music is easily available to the public. That is slowly changing. Some other theme composers who are used by quite a few videographers are Craig Armstrong, Dario Marianelli, Howard Shore of LOTR fame, Ennio Morricone, Jerry Goldsmith, Martin Phipps and Andy Price. There are also artists who frequently can sound epic but do not technically fall into the background or theme music genre. Some of those are Within Temptation, Secret Garden, Tarja, Linkin Park, Muse, and Coldplay.
Oh, and I swear James Newton Howard and Thomas Newman are the same guy, or is it just me who thinks they sound exactly alike? :D
And my mood is expectant as I’m listening to “Unbreakable” by James Newton Howard from the Unbreakable Soundtrack.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt something was a teaser so much as this:
Perhaps I’m changing my tune with respect to spoilers. I find myself wanting to know the ending to Strike Back II. When I watched the promos for the first series of Strike Back, I had a sense of hope and confidence that Porter was going to kick ass and get out of something that might even stump MacGyver, and it was so easy to think that since the series wouldn’t exist without him. So no need for a spoiler. But now? I look at this:
and I’m fully aware that this show is not where Richard Armitage’s future lies. But more than that, I’ve witnessed how his face conveys the truth of a character, and that looks like the face of a dead man. I could be wrong, and I hope that I am, but my gut is screaming that my plea was for naught.
All of that may sound pessimistic, and I guess it is, but perhaps this is just how it’s going to be for now with RA’s portrayals. If you know the story of Thorin Oakenshield, you know why I say that. And I would have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to realize that he keeps playing characters who go nowhere — kind of like music that doesn’t resolve. More on this later as my pseudo psychoanalyst is almost throttling me to take over, but I’m too tired tonight to run with it. Yeah, I’m sparing you.
Video courtesy of RichardArmitageNet.Com, and my screencap. There are some caps on the site, but I had to make my own. :D If you’ve never made screencaps, you don’t know the pleasure of really mining those microexpressions of RA’s. If you ever want to know how to make caps, let me know. It’s pretty easy. Anyone with a computer can do it, and there is no cost other than time. LOL!
Oh, oh, bccmee also put the SB2 promo up on YouTube, and if you haven’t had a chance to see her month long slide show, Graphic a Day in May, go look. She’s done some really cool stuff with photos many of us have seen countless time, and I love that her sense of fun is so apparent. I need to go over there and comment soon.
See Diary Part 23 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.
Spoilers for ‘The Impressionists’ and maybe a little for ‘Between the Sheets.’
[note: Regarding this diary, I sometimes get very kind notes from people wanting to comfort me. I really appreciate that. You will never know how much. But it has begged that I address the time line of these entries. Please know that these diary pieces are from two years ago or more. In fact, some entries are now almost three years ago. I thank all of you again who have expressed concern for me. I’m long since over the state of mind I was in then although in some respects I’m not over it. LOL!]
Entry — A few weeks later and still Fall, 2008:
Haven’t watched any Richard Armitage lately, and I’m glad I quit watching so many things repetitively. I think I finally snapped to when I got to the point I was watching but not really watching. My mind kept wandering to all sorts of crazy notions, but I was dutiful in slapping myself mentally for wasting time. It seems I’m always doing that. My daydreaming is almost a sickness. I wonder if I can ever outgrow it. When I was a kid, I was too naive to cover it up, and it was a constant source of teasing. Dad always liked to tell the story of me walking to school and the neighbors seeing me and chuckling at my strolling around looking at the bushes and the trees and singing to myself, and how they would holler at me to hurry up or I’d be late. I still love looking at things along the way. I’ve never been able to completely stop, but the specter of being late is always there. SO seems to be the only one who doesn’t think daydreaming is a problem. I just wish I had been smart enough to make a living at it, and it was always about a living dammit!
When I was 18 and wanted to major in music in college, I got a lecture about what I was really looking at — “Unless you get lucky, you’re going to play dives for years or you’re going to teach other people’s children to play.” Dad was a fantastic musician, and his years of playing gigs legitimized the truth of what he was saying. If he couldn’t succeed, then how the hell was I going to? Anyway, neither of those paths sounded appealing, and so I let myself be talked out of my first love.
Today, ‘The Impressionists’ came from Netflix. I forgot I had it in my queue, and I’m not sure when I’ll watch. It’s just going to make me remember again how I sold out. Maybe I’ll just send it back since two of the little SOs want me to get ‘Jane Eyre’ w/Toby Stephens no matter that they’ve seen it several times. According to them he’s so good that they’re now head over heels in love with Rochester. Of course that was true after they read the book! They even made a Facebook page about fictional characters ruining their love lives. LOL!
I look at them fangirling, and I’m so glad they are lighthearted enough to do it and laugh at themselves. I wish I had let myself revel in things like that as a girl. Eventually I fancied myself above it and was too busy making fun of it to ever enjoy it myself. I was a pompous ass and probably still am. Maybe I’ll keep the ‘The Impressionists’ discs.
A few days later:
The little SOs have had to content themselves with watching ‘The Impressionists,’ and although they’re still into Toby, they’re rapidly becoming big fans of Richard Armitage. They’re just not great fans of him in this particular series. But then they’re too young to really appreciate the nuances of his Monet, and how can they truly understand the conflict over Camille — his contrition to her and his honor to his father? They can’t. Not yet, and hopefully never.
And so much for being lighthearted about this. I was hanging on Richard Armitage’s every move. LOL! I cannot believe I was unaffected by how he looks when I first saw him. Must have been one of my most shallow moments. Granted, he is not the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, yet he is continually making me re-examine how I define handsome. No, actually, he’s beautiful in this. I have rarely thought a man was beautiful, but that’s the best description. He is definitely physically attractive, but it’s something inside coming out of this character, that longing for Camille and something more which permeates his eyes and moves to his shoulders and arms and onto his fingers, and returns to his shoulders, and settles there.
A little while later:
After everything I’ve seen of Richard Armitage’s acting, I can still be in this much awe of how he brings out depth of character? Will this ever get old? I hope it never does, and it has me continually wondering what he draws on to convey his expressions. “Quite a detailed actor” — yes, but what detail is in the mind’s eye? Or does he even do this consciously? Is this part of unfocusing the conscious? I don’t think he has a wife and kids or a pregnant girlfriend stashed somewhere, yet the purity of his movements is stunning. Whatever is happening in his head, I find myself replaying mere seconds of footage to dissect exactly what he does as Monet to convey these impressions and can’t escape recognition of SO in his demeanor.
There’s an earnestness and an innocence in Monet that makes me see SO, my young man who had everything to anticipate but pulling some baggage. How in hell does Richard Armitage capture that? (need to finish the Stanislavski book). I know he’s not innocent, or maybe he is. I don’t know. I’m so curious how he can play this character and the one in ‘Between the Sheets,’ who now that I think of it had a believable innocence as well despite the revelation of his heinous behavior. Or how he could play the stalwart but naive John Thornton and then the mercenary Guy of Gisborne, whose behavior also had a childlike expectation woven through it. Interesting. I keep writing down my impressions, but I can’t quite capture the essence of his performances. It’s like I’m in the dark trying to find a lamp but stumbling over something at my feet when I come close.
The only other actor to stir me to this degree is James Dean. I watched ‘East of Eden’ again the other day (after about a 25 year respite from it), and he nails Cal’s angst. He strays into melodrama some, but I figure it’s the era the movie was made. When I was twelve, this performance embodied the questioning and frustration I had long felt. I remember thinking I would eventually find the answer and some relief when I was grown. But I still question what drives people and what drives me, and I try to push it away and function normally, and “normal” dictates that I figure everything out in a moment. I know that’s not possible, but I keep trying to sum everything up, always trying to conclude, but I can never conclude. In hindsight it was alternately relieving and excruciating to watch Cal.
And now in watching Richard Armitage, that relief and agony is heightened again. Maybe much worse this time. It has created an almost painful longing to express what it is that dogs me all the time, and at one point in my life literally drove me insane. When I was watching him in this, I wanted to paint or play, and even toyed with the idea of writing a story, but writing has a vulnerability I can’t bear. I can’t write and exposing my clumsy attempts at it makes me shudder, and I haven’t painted anything in such a long time I’m not sure I can anymore. I’ve become too jaded to paint anything. But I can still play. I think. All I know is Armitage’s movements as Monet have a resonance that’s clear and sweet, and it reminds me of a finger slipping across a note, the feel of it coming off the note, and the tension and resolution and sometimes lack of resolution it expresses. And now I haven’t put my fingers on any notes for two years, and my frustration at not being able to express adequately how I feel has been locked up. I’ve wondered why I quit playing; I don’t remember any other time I didn’t play. I was playing before I could read. There are pictures of me trying to pick out pieces when I was barely able to sit on the piano bench. But I can’t bring myself to play. The thought of it leaves me…I’m not sure how it leaves me.
The next day:
I wish SO would watch this guy! He would agree with me about his abilities. SO is very attentive to detail when it concerns human beings. He still surprises me at times with what he perceives; I know he would appreciate Richard Armitage’s sensitivity and craftmanship. I would love to hear his thoughts! What a shame he hasn’t really watched anything. He was only half watching Vicar of Dibley, and Richard Armitage is mostly a foil in that. Then there was such a break between Vicar and George Gently that I don’t think SO realized it was the same guy, and Ricky Deeming also wasn’t a big part. Mostly I would love to talk to SO about what is happening to me and my urge to capture on paper the types of ethos and emotions I’m seeing Richard Armitage convey in his portrayals. Until now I’ve been content to swell up like a toad with what I perceive of people and things. I’m about ready to burst with what I want to express, and that’s much more interesting than writing all of this crap about my life.
This has become one of my favorites. I love the version of Ave Verum Corpus that bccmee used. She has a great sense about her music selections not to mention tight, well done videos, and this was her first one! I’ve been anxious to post this piece so I could highlight it.
I also love this music because it’s a wonderful Welsh baritone. The Welsh are my weakness. I am a quarter Welsh, and when I visited Wales, the sense of kinship was overwhelming. More about that later. For now, the version of Ave Verum Corpus that I normally listen to is on this album, but the Ave is not my favorite piece in that collection. So glad bccmee introduced me to this new version.
I really need to start that music blog. Maybe I’ll work it in during my spare time. LOL!
See Diary Part 22 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.
Entry — Still Fall, 2008 + a couple of days later:
I guess I can’t stop thinking about Richard Armitage in ‘Between the Sheets’. I haven’t watched it again. I’m really trying to forget it. The graphic sex scenes that were like a hot poker to my adrenal glands are still somewhat vivid but thankfully receding a little. Now I’m experiencing something less visceral and a little more thoughtful. I just had to get past the shock of seeing John Thornton in all his glory. LOL!
A long time ago I fancied myself becoming a great photographer. Eventually I “wised up” and let that go like I have a lot of other things I enjoy. I’m not sure I’ll ever get back what I once had, but there are things I learned and can’t forget. My first mentor told me to ditch the color. Once the color was gone, I learned how lousy my photos were. It was the first time I really considered composition and contrast, and they needed work. But I was glad I knew the truth. Sex can be like that. It can color everything — for a while. But when the euphoria of sex is gone, people look at their partners and ask themselves, “Do I really care about you?”
In ‘Between the Sheets’ the character Alona seemed to need the euphoria. Almost like an unbroken drumbeat she lets Paul, her partner, know how she needs sex from him and not much else. It’s plain that Paul was little more than a prop in her world.
After the dip in sex and some tense therapy sessions, she seemed to be fighting the urge to dismiss him and move on if he didn’t satisfy her. From talk about her son, to her job, to her dead husband, to her relationship with Paul it seemed that everything revolved around Alona. From the moment she learns about Tracy, she is suspicious of Paul and tries to control the outcome. Too late she realizes she might really care for Paul only to be startled by the final revelation. I would have loved to have seen another series to see who Alona really was. Part of me thought of her as a narcissist, and narcissists can be intensely fascinating — when you don’t have to live with them. In fact, they are sometimes the most interesting people. Self absorption that intense always has me wondering what created it and if it can survive.
My friend Leah was this self absorbed, and I have to admit she was extremely fascinating. In hindsight she was so obsessed with herself and getting her way that it was frightening, but at the time I alternated between admiration, humor, and a little fear about her desperation. By day she was a very capable physical therapist, and in her free time she trolled hardware stores for guys who could flip her in bed and install a hot tub or track lighting, or maybe a security system on the side. I actually laughed at this when I wasn’t horrified. There was no hesitation in her about using other people. Oh, she was smart, and frequently said things I thought, and now I’m wondering what was wrong with me that I wasn’t more appalled at the time.
I guess I wasn’t that upset over her selfishness because I didn’t realize how much it hurt others, and I figured she was just lashing out about things in her life that were unfair — alcoholic parent, untimely death of her husband. There was also her well ordered life, which seemed to say she was in control but just battling some demons on the side. She had a great job, her house and her bills were in perfect order, her 14-year old daughter was very pleasant and a good student. But when her daughter tried to commit suicide, all Leah could talk about was how stressful it was for her and how she needed a damn vacation. She flew to Mexico for 10 days. Meanwhile the kid was on suicide watch at a mental hospital. I never saw any concern for this kid. I mean nothing. Any concern for the kid was left for others. Leah wrung her hands a little, but she was never there for anyone but herself. She did not know how to feel any kind of empathy or real remorse. She only reacted to being inconvenienced and then moved to take care of herself. I can hardly think about this without wanting to knock myself silly for not being more horrified and doing something. I’ve always prided myself on knowing what was going on, and thinking for everyone in the room. I am an idiot.
I think maybe I couldn’t see it because I couldn’t see myself. SO has told me in his quiet way to get over myself. But sometimes he’s gotten exasperated. When we were first together he said, “What happened that you think everyone in the world gives a f*ck about all of your opinions?!” He’s so right, and here I am journaling for the first time in my life and feeling like a putz. But didn’t he want me to do this? Maybe he just wanted me to write so I didn’t have to verbalize all of it to him. What the hell did he ever see in me? Only the pretty girl of 21? Does any of this shit I’m writing mean anything? What was my point? Yeah, Alona’s character brought all of that back, and as badly as I hate to admit it, somehow I saw a little of myself in her. Trying to control everything and controlling almost nothing. Faking myself out and sounding like I know what I’m talking about while I’m doing it. Maybe.
And Richard Armitage once again completely became someone else. I was actually dreading this performance and expecting it to be the one that disappointed me in his abilities, but from the first scene I saw Paul Andrews, the probation officer, and not Richard Armitage, and there was a suspicion about him at the periphery of my mind that wouldn’t come to fruition. He seemed to care about Tracy, but he was unsure of himself as a mentor, and his voice, which was so different from all of his other roles, did a lot to convey this. At times his contrition was almost too much and screamed he was guilty of something, but he stopped short and had the perfect intonation for nailing passive/aggressive. These made his fatal flaw believable. I loved the scene in the therapist’s office with Alona where he sounds like a boy lashing out at her. Plus, that sounded like some real shit that goes on between dysfunctional couples. Hell, aren’t we all dysfunctional? LOL! SO’s never sounded like a little boy, but he’s got his issues as well, and I could believe Richard Armitage has had a dysfunctional relationship; otherwise, what did he draw on to capture something that realistically? If not, then damn he’s good. He certainly had the whine and the subtle manipulation down, and I was never quite sure of the extent of the latter until the end. Usually I can quickly see things like that coming in real life as well as in a drama. In fact, my horribly arrogant, impatient nature often wants to bring things to their logical conclusion in an instant, so I can move on. I missed it this time, but I’ll blame that oblivion on his naked ass.
And I’m still trying to rationalize his naked ass in this show. It really wasn’t gratuitous sex even though on some level it felt like it. Rather it was a couple being intimate, and I was in the room with them.
I have never felt more like a voyeur. It was too much, and I came away asking: why did he do it? And when I think of it, I come to that question and can’t move on. I wonder about Julie Graham as well, but hell, I don’t have time to really ponder her when I’m wondering about Richard Armitage’s motivations. Was he that insecure about working? This is the most obvious answer. He had not made it big with North and South yet, so his offers had to be less. That makes sense, but maybe I don’t want to think of him prostituting himself to be working although the answer may be that simple. Or was he honestly unsuspecting of how the scene was going to be filmed, and he’s so biddable that he just went along with it when he found out? I’ve heard that reason floated by some, which makes my bs detector hit alarming levels. Surely actors aren’t that naive. Don’t they have agents who are supposed to be savvy, so they don’t just stumble into things like graphic sex scenes? Didn’t he have a contract with some details? It just makes no sense unless the agents in the UK don’t have as much edge as the ones here. I really doubt this. People are people, and negotiators no matter where they are have an uncanny awareness of how someone can get screwed.
So what was it that motivated him? Maybe I’ve invested in watching him so much that I will not let myself be disappointed by thinking he might be shallow or God forbid, a hedonist. So maybe he felt some artistic challenge? Maybe he really is interested in the human condition and the stories that come from it to the point that he could suspend any compunction about getting naked? Damn, that’s a pretty big step. It’s not just being without clothes. It’s the intimacy portrayed that will be forever captured on screen for his present and future loved ones to see and wonder about to a much greater degree than I’m doing. That’s something he can never take back. It’s out never to be private again and will have to be confronted again and again. Was he that thoughtless?
Or was there such a relief in being naked that it didn’t matter about the consequences? When reading his comments about this show and his family’s reaction, the flippancy of it borders on disrespectful. Maybe I’m wrong about that, but that’s how it seemed. Maybe he seems too much like SO who chafed under the rigid mores of his parents and I’m assigning motives to him that are really SO’s. His upbringing does sound much like SO’s, and that upbringing is still so foreign to me. To be that inhibited about speaking of one of the most elemental things in life — sex? I can’t really wrap my mind around that. But then maybe I’m misreading his comments and maybe I’m a freak. I was at the other end of the spectrum — never inhibited from discussing anything, Mom and Dad really were not like other people, and I’ve fought that notion for a good part of my life. When I was a kid and my friends used to comment on how different my parents were, I blew it off as my friend’s ignorance of people. Years later I realized they were right. I certainly was aware of sex and a host of other subjects long before my peers. Even today I still shake my head in bafflement when I hear women talk about their mothers never telling them anything — even about their menstrual cycles — so that they freaked out when they finally got their periods. I don’t understand this kind of parenting. A friend of mine told me that her mother left a book out for her to read about periods, sex, and unwanted pregnancy but never said a word to her. My friend got pregnant as a teen, and it was the first time she had sex. Small wonder.
One of my many sex talks was Mom telling me that unwanted pregnancies and disease are certainly issues of indiscriminate sex, but the most important thing is how much sex affects your head and your heart. Those are what really matter. In one instance she ended with, “because there is nothing sacred about a p*ssy.” Mom always did have a way of putting things in perspective. LOL! So to think of some mom just leaving a book out that hopefully her daughter might find and understand and heed is… I don’t get it.
Maybe I do have issues with that kind of detachment, and I can’t help being curious about those who may have experienced it. We’re all inclined to seek intimacy. It’s hardwired into us. So I wonder what it would be like to seek intimacy when coming from a perspective where intimate matters can never be discussed with our intimates, i.e., with those closest to us who have our best interest at heart. Whom do you discuss intimacy with if not those people? I still marvel at the fact that sex was never a discussion in the house of SO’s youth. There weren’t even any implications of it other than his existence, and others outside their home who talked about sex were like aliens speaking a foreign language. SO is infinitely curious about life and people and how they work, and he’s also the most honest and forthright person I’ve ever met, so he felt like an alien in his own home. I was his relief, and to a lesser degree so were my parents. But what happens to people who get little or no relief? Where do they go? How do they make sense of things when they have never been able to talk of things that profoundly affect us all? And if they are curious about the truth, how do they seek it and convey it?
I know discretion was something I grappled with as I was coming to adulthood, and at times my reaction to my parents’ unabashed and sometimes brutal honesty has provoked me to such a circumspect posture that I’ve fairly strangled my emotions. I can’t help but wonder what went on in Richard Armitage’s head with respect to his upbringing and whether it played a part in selecting this role. Maybe I can understand his need to take the bark off the tree as it were. If I could not easily speak of elemental things to people who matter to me, I might also want to show my ass, just to know if it was real.
Naked asses aside, ‘Between the Sheets’ is so obviously designed to provoke someone to honestly examine their opinions about sex, and I guess I’m verbalizing my response to the show here since I can’t really talk about this to anyone. But it’s not the sex. It’s the fan odyssey I’m on. Sex is so easy to talk about. My need to watch some obscure British actor is not. I’ve enjoyed so many of his roles, but if I’m honest, something unhealthy is going on with me. The fact I’m writing all of this about some actor is….I don’t know what it is. Certainly it’s an escape, and the problem is this show wasn’t an escape. It was too damn real, and here I am trying to get in Richard Armitage’s head. I have to admit there is something satisfying about that. Certainly, I don’t know him, and to speculate that I do or can guess what he’s thinking really is one of my curses but then I always try to get inside people’s heads. I’ve been doing that since I was a kid. I can’t stop now. I never want to do it to exploit anyone, but I really do want to know what drives people, and isn’t that the point? Isn’t the point of me watching all of those characters to be curious enough to wonder what in hell’s name is going on inside their heads? And if it spills over to the actors themselves, isn’t that a normal reaction? Or maybe I do have CWS. Whatever is going on, I’m intrigued and can’t just turn that off.
Later:
I found myself feeling very sad for Hazel. All that angst over what? Some misguided sense of decorum? Yeah, yeah, I know that was the point of the show — more bark off the tree. It must have been hell to grow up in an era that didn’t allow you to speak openly about something so important as sex and Kay Mellor and company are definitely of that era (I think of them now as the British version of the Ephrons only less restrained). Hazel’s part practically screams it, and I appreciate what they were doing to show just how silly some of the mores of that generation were. Plus, abuse is still something that too often shames people and keeps them quiet. The muzzling effect of it can’t be exposed enough. So I’m glad they worked that in. But mostly I look at Brenda Blethyn playing Hazel and how she’s about the age of my mother, and I realize Mom was and is so open and honest about so many things — so much more than most women I meet and come to know. She’s always been honest to a fault. No sexually repressed woman unable to articulate what she thinks for her. Thank you, Mom. You are rare, and I realize it more and more every year. I’ll have to tell you this next time I see you.
I was a little uncomfortable with the use of Lady Chatterley’s Lover. My first reaction was, No! don’t use that. It’s so cliche’. It’s becoming nothing but a caricature of forbidden fruit for the repressed woman, and so unfair to D.H. Lawrence. I think I rolled my eyes a little, but Brenda Blethyn does a decent job. The cliché aside, I just liked Hazel. She was sincere even if she was a little silly acting at times. At first I was predisposed to dislike her since Brenda Blethyn can’t move two feet without emoting and usually plays someone a little silly. Then there were the times I felt some queasiness at her part, but that was coupled with my admiration for her guts in taking off her clothes. I guess all naked asses don’t bother me, but then I didn’t have to see Brenda’s naked ass while she was scr*wing.
Peter’s mother, Audrey, was a hoot, and thank God I didn‘t have to see her naked ass. But who couldn’t like Audrey? She was so gentle and earnest. I can hear my own mother talking like that when she gets to be Audrey’s age except my mother adored my dad when he was living and doesn’t seem to be the least bit interested in another man since he’s been gone. Of course she might surprise me, and that would be fine; nothing she might do would take away from Dad. As for Maurice, he must have had more going on behind closed doors. LOL! He was a little mouse of a man.
Georgia was fairly clichéd too, but I liked her as well. Where I come from Georgia would be called “a good ol’ gal”. They always have a heart of gold even if life has done them dirty. The only problem I had was a couple of times she started looking like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke. It made it hard to keep a straight face.
Then there were the children. Kieran was a shit with an endearing quality. Maybe it was the twinkle in his eye that had the promise of someone with depth. Whereas Simon was just a shit. An angry shit but still just a shit. No, there was more going on; I just didn’t care to find out. If the series had continued, maybe I would have cared. Of course there was Fiona who got my pity for being caught up in this mess. Sweet looking little girl. I wonder if she’s ever watched this show.
But Peter was the one who got to me more than any other. I loved him even though he cheated on his wife and had a seedy profession that should have generated self-contempt. Yet he kept trying but getting things so wrong. Boy can I relate to that. I felt his remorse so much that I sobbed over the herons too. Even writing this I’m getting choked. I just wish the writers hadn’t wrapped up his and Hazel’s story in a neat little package. It was decidedly unrealistic in a show that seemed to wear realistic on its sleeve. It’s never that simple.
[note: spoilers in this video]
I had never seen much with Alun Armstrong, but after this, yeah, I’m a fan. I guess once that fan thing gets turned on there’s no telling where it will be directed.
There are so many more things to say about this show. It had a lot of layers. Why do I hear Shrek’s voice in my head? Yeah, it was like an onion. It had layers. But I’ve got to stop thinking about it or it will drive me crazy. Kay Mellor would be so proud.
Not sure where I’m going next with my Richard Armitage watching. Maybe I need to cleanse my mind with a little John Thornton.
Screecaps and clips are mine courtesy of a friend loaning me the DVD. Thank you, friend. :D
edit: I frequently get email about this post and specifically about the pictures. Just so you know, the screencaps untouched were not nearly so tame. I strategically cropped them to make this post “safe for work.”
A spoiler about Spooks Series 9. Of course if you’re reading this blog, you probably already know, but I’m not taking any chances.
I’ve never watched much Oprah Winfrey. Probably seen that show five maybe six times, but I would have to be under a rock somewhere not to know about her “Favorite Things.” For those who may not know about Oprah, she is a mega star here in the States. She has a talk show which has been on about 25 years (can’t remember exactly), and she is so massively popular that I think at one point she could have run for president and won. During the holidays, she has these giveaway shows called “My Favorite Things,” and this year is her farewell. I understand that it’s been highly emotional, but I’m hard pressed to think how much more emotional it could be than in the past. Recipients are usually weeping while Oprah stands there grinning like a Cheshire cat as they receive their gifts. That’s what’s shown on the news, and my jaded self has mostly thought of this as an ego trip for Oprah.
But maybe I was wrong. If I had that kind of money, I would certainly give some of it away. It would thrill me to do that since it’s a pleasure to make people feel good. At times I wish I were rich just so I could give to people more than I’m able to do normally. Today is one of those days. I really wish I were rich enough to pay everyone’s way to see Richard Armitage in The Rover. That would be such a blast. And no, we have no further word on it other than this tweet from our initial source of info, the English Touring Theatre:
In lieu of giving any of you a trip to The Rover, I do have something planned for Christmas, but I’m not quite ready to reveal it. In the meantime, bear with me as I post a couple of more diary entries that frankly, I just need to get out of the way (picture me with my tongue hanging out), and of course I need to still mourn Lucas of Series 7 at least a few more days.
It pains me to look at that picture and think of the destruction of that wonderful character! I’m not so much thinking of him becoming a bad guy as the ruining of such an interesting character. That was just shot to hell. Sorry for this slip up. I really am trying not to be negative about any of RA’s jobs! But you may not think that after you read my next diary entry. Then again, it was just something I had to get out.
Spoilers for Spooks Series 9 and maybe Spooks 2 and 3.
I’m mostly over my disappointment of Spooks Series 9, but I would not have had such high hopes if it weren’t for Richard Armitage. When I know he’s in a cast, his investment in characters raises the bar for me. This was certainly the case with this show the last few series. But earlier I had let my expectations of Spooks slide after the first couple of episodes of Series 3, aka the final resolution of Tom Quinn. A commenter on my last post describes the effect well:
what…I have seen of the last 9 seasons, shows me they REALLY struggle with character development. The personal story arc leave much to be desired. For those that love Spooks, the weak character story arcs are fine. They do JUST enough to support the action, and that is enough for them. For me… it leaves me unsettled.
It seems unsettled might be the point. That is indeed how I’ve felt through most of Spooks, and being unsettled addicted me to it. I was continually in search of something to satisfy. Yeah, I was totally manipulated by the producers of this show for awhile, but I was growing weary of it until Richard Armitage was announced as a cast member in Series 7.
With the advent of Lucas North, I was relieved and my expectations were raised again and then some, and by the end of Series 7, I had a lot of hope for a great story. Richard joining the cast appeared an opportunity for Spooks to go way beyond what they had done before since they now had someone who could really pull off conflicted characters in a way Matthew Macfadyen has never even come close to doing in any of his pieces. No offense to Matthew. I appreciate his acting, but he’s no Richard Armitage.
And now we all know it wasn’t meant to be. The show is what it is, and the character of Lucas North is a miss for Richard, which is in no way a slap to RA. He did what he could with what he had. I think many of us are agreed on that. I just hope he was taking notes — not just on the artistic aspects of this show but on the business end, and more specifically on the bullshit that goes on behind the scenes. How can I know that? Are people and money involved?
Richard,
I believe you took notes on the bullshit and that you’re still taking notes. It’s figuring out the bullshit that’s a big part of getting something done. But I’m sure I’m not telling you something you don’t already know, or maybe I’ve strayed into what Servetus calls “B” or maybe “A” in Armitage Epistemology. I stray so boldly because my bullshit detector is sensitive enough to realize when someone else has a bullshit detector. And well, actually, I have the track record to prove that, but that’s another story.
For now the beauty of someone like me writing this stuff is that you don’t have to say it. You don’t have to call bullshit yourself. Let your fans say it for you so that you can maintain good ties with some of those same people who were involved in the crap that was Spooks this series. I realize you can’t burn bridges, so let us rail against this for you. Hey, I’m a business person, so I know how important it is not to ever burn a bridge. It may be an escape route someday or a great road to somewhere else. It’s funny how some of the crappiest experiences can put us in touch with people who become great assets. I’m sure you’ve learned that lesson by now. Good!
All of that and the fact you’re not spending much of your money means to me that you will eventually have your own production, and as much as I love your acting, I can’t wait to see what you’ve got. If it’s about Richard III, that’s great. If not, that’s great too. I don’t really care.
In the meantime, I’m glad to see you’re going to be in the movies and now free of serialization. You are better suited to vehicles that have a beginning, a middle and an end. I can hardly wait!
Take care, and speaking for many other fans, please know that we’re all so proud of you,
One of your crazy fans (crazy like a fox)
A picture of Richard listening to obvious bullshit:
I cannot tell you how good it feels to write these fake fan letters. Yes, I’ve said that before, but it bears repeating. I get to relieve my angst and peddle my bullshit, and no one is hurt. At least I don’t think anyone is hurt — except maybe the writers of Spooks in this case.
Note to the writers: sorry guys, but this one really wasn’t a good a series, and I think you know that. But I’ll keep watching ’cause I’m still addicted.
And before I go, another picture of Richard listening to bullshit. I had to post this one because it’s so cute, and I love it when he has an amused look on his face:
If you haven’t seen the interview this is from, you can go here and here thanks to Heather.
Screencaps courtesy of my stash.
edit: I would have a tag called “bullshit,” but then I would be tagging most of this blog.
Spoilers for Spooks Series 2 and 3 as well as Series 9.
Spooks 9 has ended and left me dissatisfied with the completion of the series and certainly with the completion of Lucas North. A part of me wanted to blame RA. Even though I am fervently biased in Richard Armitage’s favor, I said I’m honest, and I am honest, so I had to honestly look at his performance to see if it passed muster. That is a hard admission, but I’ve been pretty much telling you how I feel, albeit mostly couched in jests, so here I am again being as candid as I am able but without much humor today. His performance was fine in the context of the show, but I have a hard time saying it was great or should garner him a BAFTA. The melodramatic tone of it was a little hard to bear. Then again, I’m not sure what the BAFTA committee judges a great performance.
What I do know is the character’s turning was awkward and supported by a plot so thin it could be used to strain tea. There just wasn’t enough of the story developed to make it plausible for this character, and it left an icky feeling which made me want to cast off Spooks. Almost needless to say I’ve been very disappointed in the writers and believe they are a great part of the reason that RA’s performance is not great. I say almost needless, because, well, I have a great need to say that.
These thoughts as well as a host of others, of which I won’t bore you with all of them, have made this overwhelmingly familiar. Yeah, I’ve been here before, and for the last two series I’ve been fighting off the feeling that I’ve been sort of reliving another story. In very late 2006 a friend of mine had the first few series of Spooks, and she encouraged me to watch them with the comment, “the guy who played Darcy is in this, and you’ll like it.” Well, I did like it until I got to the Series 2 finale, and then Tom Quinn was no more, and his send off was an awkward piece of writing that left me with so many questions and being disgusted at the plot so shakily contrived to bring him down. I was so disgusted I thought I wouldn’t watch anymore.
Last week I had a great rant ready with my disgust of these last couple of series and was about to post it, but I caught sight of a comment that this was the best send off since Tom Quinn. I’m not sure yet about “the best,” but it was definitely similar in its feel and quite a few particulars. In fact, here are the similarities to Tom’s demise from my memory:
A woman who’s a love interest is at the crux
A person from the past comes back to haunt him
A student from university is involved
Some co-workers not trusting him
Harry chastising the co-workers for not trusting him and then doing an about face and having them hunt him down
A threat occurs to his love interest
Love interest is somehow co-opted by authorities to try to catch him
He threatens Harry
He’s in such despair at what’s happened that he kills himself at the end — or does he?
Harry hangs in the balance
And I wonder how many similarities there may actually be. Since I haven’t watched those shows in a while, it might be interesting to watch again and find out. At the least, the ones I remember have me more convinced than ever that Lucas doesn’t die. For those of you familiar with early episodes of Spooks, you know why I’m saying this. If you’re a novice at this Spooks watching, and I would deem a novice someone who has only watched the last three series, then you need to know that the story is never over no matter how it looks. Of course there are differences in Tom’s and Lucas’ stories, but at this point it’s a little hard to believe the writers would lift that much from Tom’s story, whether consciously or subconsciously, and not have lifted the final resolution.
Mostly I simply forgot this is a tv show where a character’s story arc can never eclipse the show itself. The show is only about the experience of an episode, and enough of those strung together can make for a thrilling ride of a series, which hopefully, will become addictive and increase ratings. Isn’t the thrill of a roller coaster the ride itself and never the ending? It certainly seems to be about things rushing at you, pricking your senses, and when it’s over, you are anxious to go again or relieved it’s done.
For those who were interested in my rant, it was a good one. LOL! I just don’t have the heart to post it. This is about as negative as I’m willing to go. Maybe I’ll gut it up and post all that crap later. Hopefully, not.
In the meantime, how about something to lift your spirits:
I’m not kidding when I say spoilers. Please take me at my word.
My thoughts as of Wednesday, 11/03:
With respect to Lucas North’s story, the plot of Series 9 has been completely predictable. Almost nothing has been surprising, and unless I’m stupid, that’s the crux of this story — the unexpected unraveling of the web of who he is. Each week I work myself up for a thrilling show, but sadly, I’ve been underwhelmed by the revelations about Lucas. Not one cell in my body was shocked by Lucas/John being a sort of bad guy, and I’m surprised at anyone who was not expecting this. I keep waiting for something really interesting, and yet if it comes, it’s not going to be a big surprise because I’m expecting it! And why is that? Because of the blasted spoilers. We already knew he wasn’t going to be who we thought he was. If that knowledge hadn’t been telegraphed, and then repetitively tapped out for us like a drumbeat by the BBC, I might be jumping at every new revelation and barely able to wait for the finale. As it is, I’m just waiting to see if the ending stops short of being lame. Wow. Is that what Spooks has come to?
Perhaps significant spoilers have always been a big part of Spooks. I don’t know because I watched the first seven series without reading or seeing any promotional coverage. Oh, some things were predictable, but then I cared enough about the characters that it didn’t bother me. But this series has been a lumbering elephant to get to the point already made — Lucas isn’t who he says he is. Yeah, yeah, now what?
Then added to all of that is minutiae that seem designed to do nothing more than make this story look complex, and yet much as I try to make it so, the information looks like simple plot devices to create tension that the surprise of Lucas not being Lucas would have done without all this mess. I can almost hear the writers in a room saying, “Perhaps we can construct this to confuse them?” And yet they confused themselves I think since the character development is all over the place with the plot going in several different directions and yet it really means nothing? Which would be great if the revealed truth were more interesting than what the scattered pieces possibly portend. For instance the whole thing about Blake. Where did that go? What does that mean? Was that supposed to go somewhere? Or was it just something they came up with on the fly and didn’t know how to really pursue? My gut says it was the latter. Yet the possibilities about Blake were so fascinating that I actually broke down and read the biography by Peter Ackroyd. If I had nothing else to do, then that might be fine, but I had to work that into the other 430 things I do on a given day. No, I had no gun to my head to do that, but in hindsight I could have been doing something else, and maybe next time I will be. It just seems the pistol hung on the wall by the writers, or in this case the painting, is going to mean very little or nothing and the big reveal doesn’t mean much either. But I hope I’m wrong and there really is something which the writers take down and use to blow me away.
And my gut feelings about the love interest were right. It was unnecessary — at least so far. It looks like more of the minutiae, and it’s pretty much boring and sometimes downright irritating. Maya has zero personality. She’s almost atonal when she speaks and certainly not inspiring of Lucas (yeah, he’s going to remain Lucas in my mind) doing a 180. Frankly, if she had been blown to hell last episode, then we might see some justification for Lucas going off the deep end. As it is, the more I see of her, the less inspiring she’s becoming. Apart from Lucas looking at his laptop and that first kiss, this relationship is becoming more nothing as it progresses, and damn! we didn’t even get the kitchen table scene. That was a spoiler I could have lived with!
So far, my secret desire has become Lucas really being a bad guy. I mean yank the mask off of him to expose something really ugly at the end. If he’s bad, then chuck the half-hearted attempts at the conflicted officer for someone who really is evil through and through and just boggles our mind. Say something smacking of Keyser Söze? That might actually be interesting and might be easier to pull off for the writers than a conflicted character, and unless the writers are under a rock somewhere, the use of Bateman as the last name was not random. Manchurian Candidate did flit through my mind and apparently crossed the minds of some others in cyberworld, but maybe we should be thinking American Psycho instead. Oh, it’s not believable with the development of Lucas’ character in the other two series and even with some of the episodes in this series? When did that start mattering again?
Further thoughts as of Monday morning, 11/08:
Oh shit! I’ve seen the rooftop spoiler. Stumbled onto it, and yes, I watched it. I was mad at myself when I realized what I was watching. But what difference does it make now? It’s exactly what I thought was going to happen. I cringed. The caged animal routine? Is that all the writers had? This is so obvious it’s pitiful. Well, that and maybe Lucas will fall backwards off the roof or shoot himself, and we won’t know if he’s really dead until next season ’cause Harry’s not going anywhere, my friends. I hope this clip is misleading! But as I watched, I thought that these people at the BBC really don’t want any surprises do they? Haven’t had any so far. I so hope I’m wrong. If I’m not, then what the heck are these spoilers about? I really don’t get why they would sabotage their own show.
Question for the writers: if the character development has to be somewhat obliterated each series, can we at least have a thrilling plot? Maybe you need to shoot the people in the PR department.
Post script: I was not going to post this out of fear of offending some fans, but the spoiler pushed me over the edge. I’ve been so good about staying away from spoilers, but I watched that one, and I’m mad as hell at myself. It severely eroded my hopes of a great twist. I was so hoping to get on this ride or at least get doped up somehow to enjoy it.
I’m still a rabid Richard Armitage fan, but this shows sucks, my friends. Of course that’s my not so humble opinion. :D But give me a chance to redeem myself with a piece on why I don’t think this show worked for RA. LOL!
And I’m serious when I say I want to be wrong. I would be happy to fall over in a faint at a killer ending.
See Diary Part 21 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.
[note: if you are easily offended, don’t read this piece]
Entry — Yet Still Fall, 2008
I finally started watching ‘Between the Sheets’ last night.
A couple of days later:
Part of me wants to finish this show and the other part wants to delete the files.
A little while later:
I really didn’t need to subject myself to that. What in God’s name was I thinking? I’m really naive or stupid. Did I think this was going to be just some analysis of sex with all the suggestive comments I’ve read about it? Man, I am dumb. No, I’m not dumb; I just really like watching Richard Armitage, and that rendered me temporarily stupid.
And the manipulation of Richard Armitage’s parts was literally in my face! One minute I’m looking at this:
and hearing his character, Paul say, “Do you want to go somewhere and talk?” The next thing…WTF?!! Uh, no, no, that’s not what I mean. I know what it is. That’s exactly what it looks like. Richard Armitage should get a f*cking award for that — literally. ROFLOL!!!
Then later he and Alona, his partner, are at it again, and if there can be an award for sexual groaning, Richard should get it. Meg Ryan’s got nothing on him. Oh, the vocal range. Ohmygosh! he’s good at this too! I think I’m traumatized. LOL! Me, who has always loved earthy humor and who has adored SO sexually and otherwise and thoroughly enjoyed making children with him and all the the other times we didn’t make any children, is feeling a little violated. I don’t know whether to laugh or scowl. But I am mad at myself for overruling my gut. My infernal curiosity got the best of me. I just had to watch one more thing with Richard Armitage, and it turned out to be what felt very much like gratuitous sex and definitely too much information. It would be about anyone!
How did I get here from John Thornton?
Later:
Maybe I’m just being a prude. But I haven’t ever been a prude. That’s just not me. Plus, I’ve seen nudity in movies many times, and it didn’t freak me out. No, I was desensitized to nudity long ago, which I’m not sure is good. But it’s hardly surprising since I saw both of my parents naked on several occasions when I was growing up, and I never thought much of it. But then, they didn’t appear to be having sex. LOL! ‘Between the Sheets’ was pretty graphic sex short of seeing genitalia, which is the only thing that keeps it from being porn.
Then there was the plain talking about sex, but that couldn’t have bothered me. ___________ [my sibling] and I grew up in a household where almost nothing was off-limits for discussion. My parents did stop short of talking about their intimate relationship, but that’s it. Talk of sex in general? Ohmygosh, I heard lots of talk about that. I get tickled when people mention their parents giving them “the talk.” The talk?! LOL! I got countless talks, and they were honest with a vengeance. In fact, there was such an honesty to my parents that it bordered on inappropriate at times. I’m sure that I, in turn, didn’t display the kind of decorum most others are accustom to; it’s hard to know when you grow up with such free talk.
I remember the first time I could hear my parents as other people must have heard them. SO came to dinner, and afterward we were sitting around the table talking. Dad and SO were talking and Mom was telling me about some article she’d read. If I’ve heard her begin with, “I was reading an article the other day,” I’ve heard her begin with it a thousand times. Most of the time it’s really interesting since her reading material covers such a variety of topics. This particular evening she launched into a clinical discussion. She’s always made a steady diet of JAMA, NEJM, a few other clinical periodicals, and of course the PDR. I think I was 15 before I realized people didn’t normally possess a PDR, and this was long before they were easily available to the general public. But Mom was always driven to find out about anything that went into our mouths, so she was never without it. That evening she began to hit me with her latest discovery. It was something about f*latio facilitating infections. It took me a few moments to snap to on the word, and then I didn’t move and wasn’t sure where to look. SO and I were pure as the driven snow at this point, so I was mortified by her free way with words and her pursuit of er, knowledge.
Now that I’m reading what I’ve just written, Mom seems buffoonish. I wish I knew how to really capture her and Dad. It’s so frustrating to want to say something, and it just comes out all wrong. SO has begged me to write a book about them. He thinks they’re too fantastic not to be captured on the page. I don’t think I can do it. Just don’t have what it takes.
Thankfully, SO wasn’t listening to Mom that evening, but really, even if he had been, he would have had a great comeback. He’s nothing if not great at comebacks. Still amazes me. Why I want to underestimate him I don’t know. Plus, he’s always admired my parents’ honesty. He would have simply laughed and praised them in his mind for their frankness. Hell, it would have been a relief since his parents were the type that make you wonder how they ever had kids. I guess I was his Gaylord Focker and he was my Pam. No, no, Mom wasn’t Rozalin Focker, she’s always been Auntie Mame and I’m Patrick. Except for my dad, that story could have been mine. To this day when someone asks me what Mom’s like, I ask if they’ve seen Rosalind Russell in Mame.
I don’t know whether to be thankful for her, or…Oh hell, yes, I’m thankful, and whom would I trade her for?
The next day:
Now I’m hacked at the producers of this piece. I hate being manipulated when it’s not fun. I can’t even talk about this to anyone because I would have to explain too much or lie, and I refuse to lie, so I’m not talking. All those other times I felt dumb watching something more than once?! That was so benign. I guess I could say something to SO, and he would listen, but eventually there would be another comical name for Richard Armitage. And I can’t get on the Army board. I’m pretty sure of the reception my reaction would get. It would be dismissed as the reaction of someone who just isn’t intellectual enough to look beyond the sex scenes to the larger context albeit they would do it subtly so as not to put down the provincial rube, and they would be so right. I am provincial and a rube.
But is this just about intellect or a bourgeois mentality? No, I’m a human being who is profoundly moved by sex, and that’s healthy, and it’s not all driven by my intellect or conventional mores although that’s part of it. Isn’t it a wonderful thing to be profoundly moved by sex? I’m sure I would rue the day I wasn’t moved by it or the day I could sit and watch something as graphic as ‘Between the Sheets’ and view it only clinically or merely use it to get off on. Hehehe look at Richard Armitage’s “peaches.” Oh brother. But then, some of the cute remarks about his peaches may be from people who are flabbergasted like me and trying to make sense of it.
I just really don’t want to watch people having sex and don’t need to watch them having sex to get turned on. But I could never say that on a forum because the minute someone says something like that hardly anyone believes them, or that’s how people seem to let on in a group. Everyone must be cool, and especially concerning sex. That’s how people come across, but get them talking in a private room, and it’s usually a different story. Anyway, I’m glad I had a visceral reaction. It was healthy, and I would worry about myself if I hadn’t.
Surely the people who put this show together knew it would have this reaction from some, or maybe they’re so desensitized they don’t know. I wonder. I hate sometimes that I wonder about so friggin’ many things. I do not need to spend time thinking about this. What’s funny is that I’ll bet the makers of this show would love to know they riled someone like me. Kay Mellor and company hit the jackpot with my reaction. Of course my curiosity demanded I had to find out about her. Shit. I hate that I do things like that because what difference does it make what I know about Kay Mellor? Useless, useless knowledge, and I’m overflowing with it! And now I’m a little weirded out by the fact her daughter played Georgia, WTF? And her little granddaughter played Fiona. Then her other daughter helped produce it. Just a family affair. Wonder if Richard Armitage is a cousin.
I don’t know what to think of him. I’m feeling a mixture of disappointment and pity. His sexual scenes were much more graphic than any of the others. Why were his parts so in our faces? Yeah, I know the answer. Talk about being objectified. Wonder what it was like being a fly on the wall during that filming. Wait! I was a fly on the wall. LOL!
Not sure I can watch him in anything else or certainly not before I forget what he looks like scr*wing. This may really be the thing that cures me of my fascination. At least I had the common sense to watch it on my computer. If I had been watching that on tv and my kids came into the room, I don’t know what I would have done. That right there tells me I shouldn’t have been watching this show. SO and I have always been so open with them. We talk about everything with them short of our intimate relationship, which is none of their business. But everything else is up for discussion. To sneak around and watch this show?! It sounds like something I’d rather not name.
A few days later:
I’m sure not Richard Armitage’s mother and sure as hell not old enough to be his mother, but I find myself thinking about her and continually trying to rationalize his part in this show. Good grief I am actually thinking about some actor’s mother! I read a few of his supposed comments about the show, and now I can’t help but wonder about her. Supposedly he didn’t know what he was getting into. LOL! Bullshit. I also read that his mother watched it. What?! How would I feel if I saw my son like that? (eyes crossed) Mrs. Armitage, wherever you are, I feel for you.
I need someone to slap me for caring about this.
Present day:
This was a tough entry to edit, and I have so many more thoughts about this show. But I’ve got to stop. More later.
RAFrenzy 
