This is a tangent post, which means little or no Richard Armitage, so you can skip it if you’re only here for Richard. :D But this is also a reply to the readers who have sent me notes wondering why I have cut back on posting regularly about RA. I really appreciate your interest. It makes me want to get back to posting regularly much sooner, but please know that I’ll be back posting about our favorite guy in the next week.
In the meantime, I just thought I would share a little about what takes me away from this blog at times. I have two other favorite guys — SO and this one (aka son of SO):
The boy in the front is how I think of him. That’s his usual position on the track. Of course I’m not proud. ;-)
Seriously, this kid has run his backside off, and he doesn’t have much backside to begin with. He has earned first position, but more than that, he is just a great person. Yes, I’m biased! I admit freely that I’m proud he’s my son. It’s hard not to be proud when I consider his stellar character which has influenced his peers for the good. He in no way puts himself in first position when he’s off a racecourse. Kindness just pours out of him — the sort to quickly come to the aid of old women, and his friends have followed suit. This is the part of him of which I’m most proud, and his friends are not the only ones affected for the good. He’s made SO and I and several other adults I know want to be better people.
I’ve now spent over 10 years going to track and cross country meets and seven of those years were to watch my son. I should have known this was my fate when I took up with SO, who was a serious runner and now a phenomenal coach. But the regular meets are about to come to an end next weekend, and I have to confess part of me is relieved. The other part of me doesn’t want to think about it. By mid-August, my son will be gone from home, and SO and I are grieving this. It’s really hard for us to even talk about it without breaking down, but I guess today I can’t help but talk about it hence this post.
Thanks for letting me indulge my maudlin self, and I’ll be back next week to talk about Richard.
See Diary Part 24 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.
Entry — a day or so later, Fall 2008:
I’ve almost fully immersed myself in the Armitage Army forum, and I guess I didn’t realize until today that Richard Armitage communicated so intimately with his fans. Don’t know how I missed that, but I am loving his messages. This guy, if he’s for real, is a sweetheart. Then again, part of me wonders if he’s real. I wish I could just enjoy this without my bs detector getting in the way, but the cynic will not let me alone.
And my appetite has now been whet to read/listen to as many of his interviews as I can get my hands on. If I’m being manipulated by a publicist, I’m not sure I care. Yeah, I can ignore my bs detector ’cause this feels too good, and it helps that my gut is screaming Richard Armitage is genuine. Maybe I just really want to believe that. I honestly don’t know what to think, but maybe the cynic in me is being challenged, and I love that. I always love it when I’m met with someone who seems real, and ironically, Richard Armitage spends most of his time in public playing someone else. Yet there is something about him, the person, that makes me think he’s genuine. He’s got a kind of purity, and how I can think that after watching ‘Between the Sheets’ is beyond me. But his characters certainly have a thread of innocence, and he does too. I don’t think it’s immaturity. I’m not sure what it is, but he does effect a very intelligent but naive demeanor. If he’s having everyone on, man, he’s one of the greatest actors of all time.
I don’t know that I’ve ever run across a person who was both intelligent and naive so overtly except SO, and it was such a powerful combination in him that it fairly had a lot of the women on our college campus falling all over themselves for him. I remember cleaning out his car one time before we were really together, and he told me to get rid of all the junk, “Just toss all of it if you don’t mind.” Well, I did toss it, but I was so curious about a few of the envelopes with ornate script on them, that I opened some. I had never read anyone’s mail before that, and I felt so awful that I’ve never done it again. But I defend myself with the fact I was “a kid.” No, there really is no defense. I did it, and I wish I hadn’t. I read those notes from a few girls who were madly in love with SO, and not a one had he ever dated or really had much to do with them. But I resolved then never to be one of those gushy women even though we were already serious about each other, and I was already so far from gushy that I’m sure he would have laughed at that vow.
The net effect is that I was too aloof in our first days together because I had eavesdropped on something I never should have done and my self-consciousness kicked in. Wish I could take it all back. Wish I had never let my curiosity get the best of me, and mostly I wish I had not been focused on myself. It did some damage to my relationship with him, and for a long time he didn’t have a clue what was going on. Thankfully, I finally told him what I’d done, and as only he can do, he laughed and made a joke of it, and told me, “Don’t you know by now that I never cared for anyone but you?” He is so earnest that yes, I know it. I know he’s for real, and yet my early training with seeing how awful people can be still has me applying that jaundiced filter too much. I really do have to take my thoughts captive a lot when wondering where some people are coming from. I hate that I’m so distrustful, but the truth is that I am, and I wonder if the idea that to the pure all things are pure will ever describe me.
Later:
It seems Richard Armitage has already ceased his messages. I guess there was a problem. Damn! I don’t know what happened, but people are such a pain in the ass. No, women are such a pain in the ass. Yeah, men are too, but I can’t even get past all the shit women do to get to an indictment of the men. Why can’t people just enjoy something for what it is instead of nitpicking it to death. Damned selfishness! It causes so many of the world’s problems. Oh, well, that was fun while it lasted, and if I’m in denial about Richard Armitage and he’s not really a nice guy, I’d like to stay there. LOL!
Much Later:
Alright! Richard Armitage is going to be in the next season of Spooks. Yes!!
I really enjoyed that show when Matthew MacFadyen was in it, and then I hated how they wrote him out and haven’t watched it since. I guess I’ll have to break down and watch those episodes before this starts, and I don’t have much time! Maybe I should just skip it. Not sure, but I am really looking forward to Richard Armitage being in the show. He is so fantastic with character development that I can’t wait to see what happens. I just hope they keep him more than a season or a couple of shows. I know how they do these characters, and I hope he’s not a Lisa Faulkner. Oh, please don’t let him be a Lisa Faulkner. Surely, they won’t do that!
Present day:
When I read this comment by Richard Armitage, I was intrigued and wondered what it really meant:
I’m ten years behind, but I’m finally growing into myself now,’ he says.
Read the rest here. I think this is the fourth time I’ve linked to this interview, and I’ll probably link some more. Lots to chew on. :D
If there’s an audio of this interview, wouldn’t it be great to hear it! Wonder when Richard Armitage makes it really big if Allison Pearson would ever post such a thing — edited of course so that nothing uncomfortable is revealed. I’m a big fan of Allison’s and may have to actually write her a note about this. LOL! And no, I don’t agree with everything she’s ever said in an article, but I’ve agreed with a lot. I was so bummed when she left the Daily Mail and with such a downer of an exit, but then I realized she’s at the Telegraph. Yea!
And Allison, if you ever read this, I like your picture at the Telegraph, and I’m glad you’re there.
The last day or so has been interesting. I’ve received several notes from fellow fans concerned about my becoming disappointed if Richard Armitage never acknowledges my request of a recorded fan message, and I just received another one a few minutes ago. It’s compelled me to make this post.
I want all of you who sent me a note to know that I really appreciate you trying to allay any possible disappointment on my part. But I have to reiterate that I do call my letters “fake fan letters,” and I do that for a reason. They are larks as is this whole blog really, and if RA or any of “his people” ever see them, that’s great. If not, that’s fine too. I also find it intersting that about once a week someone tells me they think he reads my blog, and I was going to write about this phenomenon eventually. I guess today is the day. I’m sure someone somewhere who’s involved with show business and who has a six degrees of separation thing going on with RA has read my blog. But I’m not too worried about Richard Armitage or anyone close to him reading it and no one else should be either.
And my written letters have been so over the top that no one has ever really taken me seriously and never been concerned about what I’ve said to the point of worrying about my well being. But obviously this latest “letter” has provoked concern, and I think I know why. It was the tone of my voice. My voice is naturally very deadpan, which at times has been a stumbling block for me. I was deadpan almost out of the hatch if Mom and Dad are to be believed, and then I spent most of my adult years working in a profession that was highly technical, and well, deadpan was the way we all communicated, and actually the more deadpan the better. The more deadpan, the more gravitas with that bunch.
But deadpan can sometimes equate to seriousness that may not exist. People who don’t really know me do often think I’m serious when I may not be. Couple that with my attempt to sound emotional, and well, it just doesn’t sound very good. I was being extremely emotional for me in that recording! I was working hard to give a cadence to my voice so that it didn’t sound like I was falling asleep and perhaps making all of you fall asleep as well, but I think it just came off sounding needy. And it was hard work! Yet I knew if I did more than one take that it would sound stilted. So I left it as it is, and to some of you it sounds like I’m hinging my entire being on RA making a recording. Fascinating how much our voices send a message even if we don’t intend it, and apparently, I’m woefully in need of some skills. Richard? Richard? Do you hear that? :D Sorry, I couldn’t resist. However all of this has gone down, I think it’s so fitting that my voice should generate such a reaction given the subject of my FanstRAvaganza posts.
Oh, please don’t get me wrong. I would love it if RA got wind of my request (whether he knew it was mine or not) and responded with a recorded message. I would be tickled, and I would hope the whole fandom would be tickled, and it would never be construed as playing favorites. I’ve also gotten those cautions in the last day too. But the only favorite I’ve wanted him to play is with Nat. Yes! I admit that unabashedly. Guilty as sin on that one! LOL! But do we all agree that Nat is special? Yeah, I thought so. However, I think there’s about a snowball’s chance in hell of that or the recording happening and especially not when I consider the request is by someone from a piddly blog like mine. I’m not trying to wallow in self-deprecation to impress any of you by saying that. Frankly, I have no one in my life to impress. SO and I know each other too well to try to impress each other, so I feel no compulsion to impress anyone, and can I tell you it’s a lovely place to be? Okay, I’ll stop on that because I feel a tangent coming on. Just know that I’m a realist.
But also please know that I’ve never aspired to Richard Armitage reading my blog to have fun here. Thank God! LOL! If I really thought Richard Armitage had time to read all of these blogs, and I was expecting him to receive what I’ve said, I would have gotten my feelings hurt a long time ago. But thankfully, I’m just having some fun, and I hope all of you are as well! Additionally, I just don’t get my feelings hurt too often, and certainly not by someone I don’t know. If we’re talking about SO, that’s a whole ‘nother story. He has the ability to raise an eyebrow at times and hurt my feelings. Poor guy. LOL!
I’m not quite sure what I should label this post. I started to title it “Lighten Up, Francis” but felt that would have been too flippant and ultimately demeaning to those who expressed real concern for me, and again I thank all of you for that. So I’ll just leave it by saying please don’t worry, and let’s get back to having some fun. :D
In that interest, I can’t help but do this:
Dear Rich,
Dude, if you ever really do read my blog, please, please know that I’m not pining for you to respond. Really I’m not. Now I realize this may sound like the lady doth protest too much, but well, I don’t know how else to say it.
Net: I like to watch your stuff whether you’re moving or not, and given that, I do hope you have never felt anything here was done at your expense. That aside, uh, well, uh, dammit, man! I’m having a good time, and I hope the specter of your presence never gets in the way.
Phew, there I said it.
Respectfully,
One of your crazy fans, who has enough serious stuff going on elsewhere to seldom want to get close to it here and hopes you understand that. I think you do! Unless my gut is way off, and I don’t think it is.
P.S. Oh, and hopefully, one day soon you will no longer be a faceless blob on Netflix. :D
I’ve got to have a picture! Hmmm. Let me see. What would put us back on track? Oh yeah:
If you click on it, you get the big version. :D
Screencap courtesy of Karima. At least I think this is one of hers.
Continuing on with FanstRAvaganza. Hope you hang with me. There’s another surprise if you do. :D
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I assume almost everyone who reads my blog is a fan of Richard Armitage, the actor, but occasionally people who are serious about politics land here looking for some bit of information on the guy who supposedly outed Valerie Plame. I’m sure other RA bloggers have experienced something similar. One visitor in particular, whom I’ll call Tory, was looking for an article about the U.S. State Department official and clicked on the ‘Who the Hell is Richard Armitage?’ post. Her first instinct was to back out, but curiosity got the better of her, and she ended up listening to clips from ‘North and South’ but never made it past those as she was so anxious to load it up on YouTube to watch the whole thing. She is now a fan. LOL! Eventually she sent me a note to share what happened to her, and several weeks ago I asked her to record something for me. She declined as she really is in politics and doesn’t want to make her fascination known. But she gave me permission to share some of her words:
I was just curious enough to press play on the first clip, and then he uttered, “I will be home to dress…” That was the moment I became fascinated. I viewed the entire clip but kept going back to the conversation with his mother. I have never been mad about someone’s voice, but I’m in love with his voice. I’m in love with him! When I knew I was ‘in the bag’ as you say, was listening to the radio play, ‘Clarissa.’ I cannot stomach the book. I cannot stand Lovelace, and I think I despise Clarissa more. Despite this loathing, I willingly sat through a four hour adaptation in hopes of hearing Richard’s Lovelace.
Phew! He does that whisper in his voice to perfection.
For those who have not read nor are familiar with Clarissa, it’s considered to be one of the first novels. Some say it was the first, but I don’t think that’s quite the case. I could be wrong about that. Perhaps one of our resident teachers/librarians will weigh in. Despite its standing in classical literature, I also hate that book! Clarissa is so put upon and silly that it’s hard to really root for her, and this goes on for around 1000 pages. Sheer torture. But as Tory put it, “The best part of the play is hearing Richard Armitage sing!”
When I first heard he was musical and involved professionally in musical theater and before ‘Clarissa’ was produced in 2010, I had been wondering if he could sing, and love or hate Clarissa, it was so worth finally knowing he could. One of the real benefits is that I became a rabid Radio 4 listener. I’m so sorry I did not have the pleasure before. More on this here.
Whether RA could sing or not, from my first introduction to him in early 2008, I wondered what quality it was in his voice that so fascinated me. It took me over a year to pinpoint. Thankfully, in 2009 I decided to stop writing all of my journal entries and record some of them. This helped me capture the thoughts that eluded me when I finally had a pencil in hand. I also quickly obtained some voice to text software so I wouldn’t have to hear myself while transcribing. LOL! Here’s an entry from August of that year:
It’s a wonderful thing about voices…. I was just listening to Sylvester, and I don’t even like those kinds of books….they’re boring, syrupy and talk about Mary Sue?….they’re replete with it. But you know (chuckle), I just love listening to it because of the range Richard Armitage has….It’s finally dawned on me what I really love about his voice. It’s the same thing I love about [SO’s] voice and my son’s voice……there’s a melody in their voices, a song, a possibility. They always seem on the verge of breaking into a song or making a joke……or something. SO can’t sing and my son can’t sing, and I’m not sure if Richard Armitage can sing, but they all share that song in their voices. I don’t mean they sound sing songy but rather the modulation of their voices gives an expectation. And…it’s usually hopeful. I love that.
Yes, I was a bit harsh about Sylvester, but my friends, that’s how I felt. That aside, it’s the expectation in his voice that makes me come back over and over again to hear him. If it were just the deep timbre of his voice, I really could get that from Alan Rickman and so many others. But it’s something way beyond his vocal register, and it was so interesting to hear RA’s take on how he thinks of music and the voice and how he actually used music and in particular singing to help him craft his characters for the audio books! From his interview for The Convenient Marriage:
I always love hearing him talking about his preparation! I also have a soundtrack in my head. Almost everything in life is put to music; it’s a rare day when I don’t put everything to a rhythm. I wonder if this happens naturally with everyone. I really don’t know, but I do know that sometimes this is a curse for me. I wonder if that happens to RA.
If you’re enjoying this, don’t forget to enter the Heyer audio book giveaway. Details here.
Oh, and Tory hasn’t heard that interview clip, and I don’t think she’s seen the picture either. So I’m sure I’ll be hearing from her later. LOL!!
And she and I have come to realize that we not only agree about Clarissa and our fascination for RA but have quite a few things in common including some people we know. It’s been such a treat to get to know her, and she’s far from the only person with whom I’ve been developing friendships due to RA. So many of you I’ve had such pleasure coming to know! One in particular is always so pleasant and encouraging, and her joy is contagious. I wonder sometimes if she realizes what a delight she is. Iz4blue (aka Sinjoor):
Yeah, this is totally cool, and it really is all about the love. So well put.
Iz originally hails from Antwerp, Belgium; we’ve just had the privilege of her being part of the U.S. for the last several years.
By the way, she really does know how to ferret out some of the best videos and fan fiction, and there are so many that it’s good to have a guide. She has worked with Eva over at Wattpad to create an Armitage Fan Club, and it’s a great place to find fan fiction. The best thing about it is how easily it can be accessed from a phone, and for those of us on the go (whether we want to be or not), it’s a boon. Iz has also started a blog where she can bring all of the other good vibrations to our attention easily. With the publication of Sexy Back 3, maybe a top ten of RA montage videos? :D
Did we just get another one of RA’s voices? I think we did. I’ll be making another FanstRAvaganza post about his voice work later today, but it will focus on voice work only. Yesterday, we got another wonderful example of it in his screen work. He plays a German! Okay, yeah, I already knew that, but I hadn’t heard him speak with a German accent until yesterday. It’s these kinds of things that really show me how much I’m in the bag for Richard Armitage. The clip of him in the Captain America trailer is what? about two seconds long? And yet I’ve watched it, oh, maybe 50 or 60 times. Of course I have to say 50 or 60 times because anything less sounds like a lie, and anything more might scare you. LOL! But however many times I’ve played it (I really don’t know), I’ve done it all sorts of ways — slowed down, frame by frame, tiny view, huge view, and now I really do sound like a nut. Glad my kids don’t read this blog. LOL! Next time I make a tuition payment and have to chew on them about goofing off, it wouldn’t hold much weight. No, seriously, they’re good kids. One of them carries a 3.9 and the other a 3.85, so I have nothing to complain about, but I’m not going to take any chances. That’s why they have no idea what this blog is called, and if you don’t think that’s been a feat, phew, think again. I’m a techie, and the apples don’t fall far from the tree. If they wanted to find this, they could. I’m just glad they’re so busy they don’t care enough to do it!
Did you see how smoothly I worked in bragging about my kids? I had to say something about them. I am proud of what they’ve done, and I can’t help but talk about it sometimes even more than RA. ;-)
Okay, back to the topic at hand. Man, I cannot wait to hear more of his German accent. I wonder if he will actually speak German. I LOVE the German accent by the way, which is a very good thing since SO’s family are very, very German. His grandmother even spoke with a distinct German accent. Her last name was Schmidt, and her maiden name was Hinman. I dare not tell you SO’s last name. I will say this, it means on patrol, on guard, or watchman. LOL! Oh, sorry. I’m having trouble staying on topic. :D
I wasn’t going to post the new Captain America trailer, but I’ve actually had people ask me about it. I figured most of the people who read my blog are die hard fans who know where to find all the news about RA, but I guess there are some who come here first. Wow. I’m bowled over. So here it is:
Heinz Krüger is on about 1:41. On a slightly related note, I love Tommy Lee Jones. I’ve loved him since “Coal Miner’s Daughter.”
Before I forget, here is an audio clip of just RA’s part in the trailer:
And speaking of news, is there a possibility that RA could be in this at all?
RSC 50th birthday celebrations see Robin Hood ride into Warwickshire
By Marion McMullen, Entertainment Reporter
Mar 24 2011
IT’S bow and arrows at the ready as Robin Hood rides into Warwickshire as part of the Royal Shakespeare Company’s 50th birthday celebrations.
Family show the Heart Of Robin Hood follows the recent big screen version of the Sherwood Forest outlaw starring Russell Crowe and the BBC1’s TV series featuring Coventry-trained actor Richard Armitage as Guy of Gisborne.
The new production, written by RSC associate director
David Farr, will be the Christmas special at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre in Stratford and the first large-scale family show to be staged in the recently-opened theatre.
The swashbuckling show tells the tale of the notorious Robin Hood and his outlaws.
I was watching the Cats Rehearsal videos, and I swear I recognized Richard Armitage immediately. Maybe I do feel maternal towards him. Really, someone please slap me for even going here. I’m not old enough to be his mother!! But well, I can do this with my kids. I’ve even amazed myself at times, and SO thinks it’s hilarious how I can recognize them from very faraway and even in really dim light. One time we were driving down the road, and way off in the distance we saw someone walking towards us, and I casually said, “There’s our son.” He laughed and said, “No way you can tell from this distance.” Of course I was right. I’m always right about this. :D A mother’s instincts are eerily correct. Anyone who’s a mother and recognizes her own child’s cries knows exactly what I’m talking about.
Interestingly, I was not the least maternal before I had kids. I mean I could have cared less about them. I didn’t even think they were cute and never liked holding anyone’s baby. I’m still not big on that. I was so unmaternal that it made me hesitant to have children. There was a fear in the back of my mind and sometimes in the front of it that I would be a lousy mother. But oh my gosh! that hormone was bigger than I was, and crashed over my head to magically transform me into a momma!
I’m not quite sure what’s crashed over my head to make me so aware of Richard Armitage’s movements, but a couple of years of watching him might have something to do with it. LOL! Actually, as of a few weeks ago, I passed the three year mark. So Servetus, now you know what the beginning of year four looks like. :D
Check out the guy who jumps onto the middle of the stage at the beginning of this clip. He’s really big and tall, has his hair in a ponytail, and he has on what looks like a blue tank top.
In case you missed him, you can see him again in this one below. He’s on the left at the beginning of the clip. He does run off camera at one point, but then he comes back with a vengeance. He’s so big you can’t miss him. Oh, it’s a thing of beauty!
If you’re still not sure, maybe the screencaps will convince you. Do I even need to point him out? I mean really. It’s so obvious. Or maybe I’m seeing things?
Seriously, do I need to draw some arrows? I didn’t think so.
Isn’t this a beautiful shot with his arms thrown up:
And of course I could be wrong about this, but I don’t think so. :D
It’s amazing what Richard Armitage has prompted me to do. Well, he and some others.
I’ve been neglecting my blog lately but not really. Been doing something that will just make this blog better (picture me with a type of grin that even I’m not crude earthy enough to describe here). Of course I’ve been hanging out on Twitter, which harvested all sorts of guilt from me when I first started. But I think I’m almost over that; however, not quite or this post probably wouldn’t exist (yes, I have a sentence with but and however). What’s great is that I can rationalize anything if I want — can’t we all?
Seriously, the limitation of 140 characters on Twitter is helping me cut out the fat, and with someone like me who too often feels compelled to explain every cussed move I’m making, this is a good thing. You don’t want to read all of that, and I don’t either, and on Twitter, you can’t. Well, you can with Twitlonger and some other services. I just feel like I’ve failed when I have to go to Twitlonger, and really I feel my eyes start to shutter when I begin to read explanations that go on and on and well, aren’t funny and surely aren’t uh, pithy. But the best part of this pithy machine, aka Twitter, is that I now have a great explanation for SO (whose middle name is Pith) as to why I like to spend time there. Thankfully, he has noticed it in my writing, and now I can say, “See, see, this is a good thing.”
Recently though I will admit I’ve been like all the other dreaded onlookers on Twitter who are observing the destruction of Charlie Sheen. The guy set a Guiness Record for the quickest amassing of one million plus followers, and I know his secret. It’s not that he’s a famous wreck; there have been other famous wrecks on Twitter who didn’t get his kind of attention. It’s that on his way to hell, he’s pithy, and that naturally makes for a sensation on Twitter. Very sad but true. Not being funny here. More about Charlie later in another tangent. Yes, I get on a roll with these things, and it’s hard to stop. Anyone who has enough opinions for at least four people cannot help but get on tangents, and really, I would explode if I didn’t, so it’s a good thing. :D Need to slap myself for explaining that, but hey, I’m trying to fill out this paragraph so it’s more than a few sentences. If I wrote better, then I could write only three sentences, and you would be so wowed you wouldn’t care that it’s a short paragraph. See why I need to cut out the fat?
Where was I?
Yeah, Twitter is great for making me think about what I’m actually communicating, and I’ve had to take some risks in running something out there even if it wasn’t quite clear to the recipient. But I have a caution on that, which most thinking people will already know, but hey, I’m a thinking person, and I got carried away on Twitter, and you can too. So take note. I’m going to blame the cold medicine for my mistake, but really, if I’m honest, I had a shabby moment. So here’s the caution: if you’re going to be pithy and say something really sarcastic (key word is really), do it with someone who already knows you and gets your humor. I made the mistake of doing it with someone who didn’t know squat about me, and I got blocked. Yes, I was blocked by someone. I didn’t know it until a couple of weeks later, but man, it stung, and the worst part of it is that the person probably thought I was serious. Sadly, when you’re blocked, you can’t contact the person. I even thought about contacting them through another id to apologize, but that smacks too much of stalking. So I didn’t. I’m now chalking this up as a pitfall of getting up to speed on Twitter. See how easy it is to rationalize?
And now that Twitter almost has me at fighting weight on the pith, I may run a few laps to get ready for the big leagues on Tumblr.
Dropping some of the mask:
I can hear the wheels turning in the heads of some of you who are probably around my age. You have this notion that Twitter lowers your ability to be articulate because it just appears to be a lot of gibberish. I’m sure it can facilitate some gibberish. Ohmygosh, can it facilitate gibberish! But I don’t believe it does arbitrarily. It’s just a tool and up to each of us how we may use it. I’m choosing to experiment with it, and no, it’s not all as RAFrenzy. And you may ask why am I really messing about on Twitter? To make this the greatest blog since napkins were created? Or to simply deal with idle time? Maybe to be cute? LOL! I do think it will help this blog, but honestly, I have very little idle time and lost all hope of being cute years ago. Not being funny again. I have almost no idle time in my life, and I don’t want any. What I’m doing is learning the language of the future. Scratch that. It’s not the language of the future; it’s already here. It is the language my kids understand, and I want to understand it as well. Oh, I make them speak my language too, but it’s only fair that I learn how their generation communicates. That is enough to compel me to get in the flow of this.
edit: I guess WordPress hiccuped on me. This above is now my final post, but what posted before was not. Arrgh! That kind of stuff drives me nuts.
I am so digging Richard Armitage in a beard. But then I love beards on men. SO has a beard, and I’ve never gotten tired of it. It took me a few years to convince him to grow one, but after he did, his reaction was, “Wow, you really like my beard!! What happened to that other woman? … Yeah, maybe I’ll keep the beard. LOL!” Of course not all women like facial hair on men, and some are actually turned off by it, but c’mon, doesn’t RA in a beard challenge that notion for some of you? It’s hard to believe that some who have hated beards aren’t now saying, “Yowza!” and some, “Ocheemama!”
I know I want to touch it, and this is coming from someone who has yet to have a dream or fantasy about RA. This might change things. LOL! No, it probably won’t. I’m just that much of a control freak and head over heels in love with SO to the point I can’t even bring myself to fantasize about another man, but Richard’s beard is a strong temptation. I’m sure everything in its vicinity is feeling the same. :D
Honestly, I’m hoping he wears his own hair for the Hobbit. Somehow I doubt that’s going to happen, but he may be more into method acting than I think he is. The only downside for him is he really would not be able to hide behind his beard in public. But then can this guy hide? Oh, maybe he’s been able to do so up ’til now, but it’s going to get harder and harder, and if I know anything about the American public, he really won’t be able to do it if he spends much time here. We’re just absurd that way. Plus, women here have an absolute love affair with the English accent from a man, and when it’s someone like RA, oh man, Colin Firth is going to be a pup compared to this guy. Even Gerard Butler, who I have to admit is mighty fine and has a wonderful Scottish accent, will not be able to hold RA a candle if the women of the American public ever catch onto him.
Earlier I said to someone that he is a sexy beast in this press conference, and I’m sticking by those words. None of that negates the sensitive artist. I just see it as another facet of the same wonderfully complex person. If he were just the artist with the sensitive mouth, frankly, I would become bored. Just as if he were nothing but a sexy beast in a beard. Too much of any of it is BORING. Thankfully, RA is both and so much more. And of course my current infatuation is not just about the beard because I have no inclination to touch Aidan Turner’s! :D
Candid shot courtesy of Richard Armitage’s Beard blog. [Note: alas, the original tumblr is gone. Thankfully, I had the good sense to archive it the day after this post. Enjoy!]
See Diary Part 23 here, or to access all entries, hit “The Diary” tab above.
Spoilers for ‘The Impressionists’ and maybe a little for ‘Between the Sheets.’
[note: Regarding this diary, I sometimes get very kind notes from people wanting to comfort me. I really appreciate that. You will never know how much. But it has begged that I address the time line of these entries. Please know that these diary pieces are from two years ago or more. In fact, some entries are now almost three years ago. I thank all of you again who have expressed concern for me. I’m long since over the state of mind I was in then although in some respects I’m not over it. LOL!]
Entry — A few weeks later and still Fall, 2008:
Haven’t watched any Richard Armitage lately, and I’m glad I quit watching so many things repetitively. I think I finally snapped to when I got to the point I was watching but not really watching. My mind kept wandering to all sorts of crazy notions, but I was dutiful in slapping myself mentally for wasting time. It seems I’m always doing that. My daydreaming is almost a sickness. I wonder if I can ever outgrow it. When I was a kid, I was too naive to cover it up, and it was a constant source of teasing. Dad always liked to tell the story of me walking to school and the neighbors seeing me and chuckling at my strolling around looking at the bushes and the trees and singing to myself, and how they would holler at me to hurry up or I’d be late. I still love looking at things along the way. I’ve never been able to completely stop, but the specter of being late is always there. SO seems to be the only one who doesn’t think daydreaming is a problem. I just wish I had been smart enough to make a living at it, and it was always about a living dammit!
When I was 18 and wanted to major in music in college, I got a lecture about what I was really looking at — “Unless you get lucky, you’re going to play dives for years or you’re going to teach other people’s children to play.” Dad was a fantastic musician, and his years of playing gigs legitimized the truth of what he was saying. If he couldn’t succeed, then how the hell was I going to? Anyway, neither of those paths sounded appealing, and so I let myself be talked out of my first love.
Today, ‘The Impressionists’ came from Netflix. I forgot I had it in my queue, and I’m not sure when I’ll watch. It’s just going to make me remember again how I sold out. Maybe I’ll just send it back since two of the little SOs want me to get ‘Jane Eyre’ w/Toby Stephens no matter that they’ve seen it several times. According to them he’s so good that they’re now head over heels in love with Rochester. Of course that was true after they read the book! They even made a Facebook page about fictional characters ruining their love lives. LOL!
I look at them fangirling, and I’m so glad they are lighthearted enough to do it and laugh at themselves. I wish I had let myself revel in things like that as a girl. Eventually I fancied myself above it and was too busy making fun of it to ever enjoy it myself. I was a pompous ass and probably still am. Maybe I’ll keep the ‘The Impressionists’ discs.
A few days later:
The little SOs have had to content themselves with watching ‘The Impressionists,’ and although they’re still into Toby, they’re rapidly becoming big fans of Richard Armitage. They’re just not great fans of him in this particular series. But then they’re too young to really appreciate the nuances of his Monet, and how can they truly understand the conflict over Camille — his contrition to her and his honor to his father? They can’t. Not yet, and hopefully never.
And so much for being lighthearted about this. I was hanging on Richard Armitage’s every move. LOL! I cannot believe I was unaffected by how he looks when I first saw him. Must have been one of my most shallow moments. Granted, he is not the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, yet he is continually making me re-examine how I define handsome. No, actually, he’s beautiful in this. I have rarely thought a man was beautiful, but that’s the best description. He is definitely physically attractive, but it’s something inside coming out of this character, that longing for Camille and something more which permeates his eyes and moves to his shoulders and arms and onto his fingers, and returns to his shoulders, and settles there.
A little while later:
After everything I’ve seen of Richard Armitage’s acting, I can still be in this much awe of how he brings out depth of character? Will this ever get old? I hope it never does, and it has me continually wondering what he draws on to convey his expressions. “Quite a detailed actor” — yes, but what detail is in the mind’s eye? Or does he even do this consciously? Is this part of unfocusing the conscious? I don’t think he has a wife and kids or a pregnant girlfriend stashed somewhere, yet the purity of his movements is stunning. Whatever is happening in his head, I find myself replaying mere seconds of footage to dissect exactly what he does as Monet to convey these impressions and can’t escape recognition of SO in his demeanor.
There’s an earnestness and an innocence in Monet that makes me see SO, my young man who had everything to anticipate but pulling some baggage. How in hell does Richard Armitage capture that? (need to finish the Stanislavski book). I know he’s not innocent, or maybe he is. I don’t know. I’m so curious how he can play this character and the one in ‘Between the Sheets,’ who now that I think of it had a believable innocence as well despite the revelation of his heinous behavior. Or how he could play the stalwart but naive John Thornton and then the mercenary Guy of Gisborne, whose behavior also had a childlike expectation woven through it. Interesting. I keep writing down my impressions, but I can’t quite capture the essence of his performances. It’s like I’m in the dark trying to find a lamp but stumbling over something at my feet when I come close.
The only other actor to stir me to this degree is James Dean. I watched ‘East of Eden’ again the other day (after about a 25 year respite from it), and he nails Cal’s angst. He strays into melodrama some, but I figure it’s the era the movie was made. When I was twelve, this performance embodied the questioning and frustration I had long felt. I remember thinking I would eventually find the answer and some relief when I was grown. But I still question what drives people and what drives me, and I try to push it away and function normally, and “normal” dictates that I figure everything out in a moment. I know that’s not possible, but I keep trying to sum everything up, always trying to conclude, but I can never conclude. In hindsight it was alternately relieving and excruciating to watch Cal.
And now in watching Richard Armitage, that relief and agony is heightened again. Maybe much worse this time. It has created an almost painful longing to express what it is that dogs me all the time, and at one point in my life literally drove me insane. When I was watching him in this, I wanted to paint or play, and even toyed with the idea of writing a story, but writing has a vulnerability I can’t bear. I can’t write and exposing my clumsy attempts at it makes me shudder, and I haven’t painted anything in such a long time I’m not sure I can anymore. I’ve become too jaded to paint anything. But I can still play. I think. All I know is Armitage’s movements as Monet have a resonance that’s clear and sweet, and it reminds me of a finger slipping across a note, the feel of it coming off the note, and the tension and resolution and sometimes lack of resolution it expresses. And now I haven’t put my fingers on any notes for two years, and my frustration at not being able to express adequately how I feel has been locked up. I’ve wondered why I quit playing; I don’t remember any other time I didn’t play. I was playing before I could read. There are pictures of me trying to pick out pieces when I was barely able to sit on the piano bench. But I can’t bring myself to play. The thought of it leaves me…I’m not sure how it leaves me.
The next day:
I wish SO would watch this guy! He would agree with me about his abilities. SO is very attentive to detail when it concerns human beings. He still surprises me at times with what he perceives; I know he would appreciate Richard Armitage’s sensitivity and craftmanship. I would love to hear his thoughts! What a shame he hasn’t really watched anything. He was only half watching Vicar of Dibley, and Richard Armitage is mostly a foil in that. Then there was such a break between Vicar and George Gently that I don’t think SO realized it was the same guy, and Ricky Deeming also wasn’t a big part. Mostly I would love to talk to SO about what is happening to me and my urge to capture on paper the types of ethos and emotions I’m seeing Richard Armitage convey in his portrayals. Until now I’ve been content to swell up like a toad with what I perceive of people and things. I’m about ready to burst with what I want to express, and that’s much more interesting than writing all of this crap about my life.
This has become one of my favorites. I love the version of Ave Verum Corpus that bccmee used. She has a great sense about her music selections not to mention tight, well done videos, and this was her first one! I’ve been anxious to post this piece so I could highlight it.
I also love this music because it’s a wonderful Welsh baritone. The Welsh are my weakness. I am a quarter Welsh, and when I visited Wales, the sense of kinship was overwhelming. More about that later. For now, the version of Ave Verum Corpus that I normally listen to is on this album, but the Ave is not my favorite piece in that collection. So glad bccmee introduced me to this new version.
I really need to start that music blog. Maybe I’ll work it in during my spare time. LOL!
I love giving gifts, but I hate giving things out of obligation. Is there anyone who likes that? Oh, you do?! Masochist.
Christmas for some has become about obligation. How can it not be with the continual bemoaning from so many about how much Christmas buying is killing them? And it’s not chiefly the result of a bad economy; that kind of plaint has been around for years. It’s just more pronounced with the current financial squeeze. But these days when it’s earnestly said to me, I sometimes reply, “Don’t do it.” I never say this with a flippant tone, and it still gets me looks as if I’m teasing or have two heads. But the looks never bother me. I understand what drives them. A significant number of people really do hinge their identities on what they do for Christmas (been there, done that, got a t-shirt), so they will almost kill themselves trying to maintain whoever it is they think they are or should be, and to suggest otherwise is laughable or freaky to them. Their behavior is specifically wrapped up in being a good person, friend, child, mate or parent, and the last one is the real killer. I mean who wants to let down the kids? People who let down their kids are scum. Right?
May I suggest that generally kids’ expectations have been corrupted, and it’s time to take back their inclinations or at least make a serious adjustment to them? And what a great year to do it when resources are so low for so many. May be the perfect time to make a change. I mean who’s driving what the kids want? And is it reasonable? At first it can be fun buying for them — they’re so little and cute and really don’t want that much and are happy with almost anything. But unless a family is living in a hole in the ground or lives in a developing country with no access to any media, chances are good that as the kids get older their appetites are growing by continually being whet with all the “needs” that barrage them almost every waking hour, and parents are under tremendous stress to meet those “needs.” Well, I stopped meeting them, and surprisingly my kids do not see me as scum.
I’m not going to act as if this was an easy thing. It wasn’t, and I give SO complete credit for having the backbone to say, “Enough is enough.” This started a couple of years before we decided to move out of the city, but hey, media still gets to the country. We simply did not buy as much that Christmas, and what a relief it was. The key was letting go of this idea that creating magic for our kids on Christmas morning with “good” gifts was supposed to keep them from great emotional damage as an adult. LOL! Sorry I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of that. But back to how I became a Scrooge. Oh, there were some tears from the kids when we cut back, and I think my oldest actually said we ruined her life (she said the same thing when we got rid of the tv for five years). Such is the wisdom of a child, and sadly too many of us listen to that as if it really is wisdom, but it’s not wisdom and never will be.
And each year I watch some friends painfully go into hock over Christmas, and when they explain why (as they almost invariably do if for no other reason than to convince themselves), it’s not uncommon for the reason to be about their child really really wanting something, and they just don’t have the heart to deny them even if it creates stress enough to bring on health issues. Often their rationalization for taking the burden of debt is something like, “My parents never got me ______________ at Christmas,” and you can almost hear the longing in their minds concluding, “My life would have been so much better and my relationships more fulfilling if I’d had one of those like everyone else.” Marketers have done a superb job when someone feels like that. That’s the gift that keeps on giving to their hip pockets.
But the marketers don’t care about anyone’s relationships. They only want to sell you something. Oh, you already know all of this? Well, it seems many of us often forget it and succumb to the number their trying to do on our heads — tying our worth as a parent, as a human being, to what we can provide for Christmas and worse implying that our relationships with our kids will suck if we don’t buy certain things for them. The real horror is that the message is given to the kids to in turn give to us.
The only way to get loose is to first be aware that “good” Christmas presents will never help anyone’s psyche and second stop succumbing to the idea that it does. That means buying the things you want to buy and can reasonably buy (obviously this is different for everyone) and being happy with it — reveling in the joy of giving, the heart of it. Most important being happy to be with family and friends and not making Christmas about that few minutes on Christmas morning when the kids dive into all the stuff. It’s amazing how kids pick up on our attitudes. Maybe not immediately, but they do eventually. Parents are still the most influential people in a child’s life no matter what “they” tell you. Don’t listen to that internal voice that’s being fed mostly by marketers that you must buy more and more in order for your child to be well adjusted. It’s a lie. And you have more power than you realize. It may not seem like it immediately, but it’s true.
Now for the most important part, and no part of me is being snarky. You take the stuff away and something usually needs to replace it, and maybe for some of you this isn’t an issue. At our house it was about time, therefore SO and I have made an effort to spend more time with our kids and to really listen to what’s going on with them. Christmas is just another time to focus on them a little more because we have set more time aside to do it and to hopefully make memories with our interactions rather than some expensive electronic gadgets. In the past I was so busy making money and making a mark that frankly, it was easier to give material things, and I salved my conscience with the idea that I was able to give “good” gifts. But my time is the real gift they need, and that’s the kind of obligation I need to joyfully meet.
My kids might not have felt that way about it when I first began to give it, but they see it now. One of my “little” SOs is faraway right now and can’t make it home for Christmas (feeling choked as I write this), but unbeknown to her, I’m going to surprise her on Christmas day, and I can hardly wait. That means I will be around here less in the next couple of weeks. Oh, I have a couple of posts loaded up, but I will not be hovering over my laptop when they let fly. So think of me in coming days hanging out with my kid and roaming the streets with her and laughing about God knows what, and I know she will not expect me to come bearing gifts, but I will, and what a wonderful feeling to give with absolutely no obligation. That is surely a joy, but the greater joy is knowing I can hang out with her and she will want me to.
And I know there will come a moment as there always does when I look at the great person she has become and is becoming and realize that it could have been a little different. We could have stayed on that same path with her and her siblings that left no part of the living room floor bare of gifts on Christmas morning and had us facilitating an ever growing gluttony for things, and ultimately building a bondage to things which would have made them dull people.
Edit: It’s 2012, and I’m going back to NYC at Christmastime. I now have two “little” SOs there. I can hardly wait.
